CHICAGO — A veteran who fought in World War II still continues to have “Hitler Derangement Syndrome” to this day, even at the age of 99, sources who keep meaning to check out “Band of Brothers” confirmed.
“I don’t really understand it. As I recall, I fought in the war to protect my country and to help defeat the Nazis, but now I’m being told that I just have something called ‘Hitler Derangement Syndrome,’” said Major Tom Wilkinson. “It was such a long time ago. I guess I just don’t remember what we were even fighting for. Maybe something about invading Greenland or tariffs? I gave up my youth and my innocence for the war, and a lot of my friends gave the ultimate sacrifice to their country to stop fascism. Seeing how things are now in the world, I guess we shouldn’t have even bothered.”
Some of Wilkinson’s family members think that he was just too easily susceptible to outside influences, convincing him that everything Hitler did was wrong.
“My grandfather was only 18 when he went to fight, and his young mind was just ripe for the liberal media of the 1940s,” said Travis Wilkinson while preparing to record his political podcast. “Just another classic case of the left’s agenda to indoctrinate young men into believing there is something wrong with a strong alpha leader who just wants to make his country great. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think everything Hitler did was great. Like, he was a vegetarian and painted those fruity paintings. But that doesn’t make him crazy.”
Fox News contributor Jesse Watters wonders if WWII vets like Wilkinson even really deserve the praise that society gives them.
“I mean, look, do I respect the military? Sure. Do I thank them for their service? Obviously, if I’m on camera or in public. But are these old WWII vets really the ‘greatest generation’? If they’re so ‘great’ then how could they have been so easily duped by the lamestream media,” said Watters while sitting in the makeup chair. “Let’s not forget also that FDR was president at the time and was filling the heads of impressionable young men with ideas like social security and ‘providing for the commonwealth.’ All so he could try to get the country out of the great depression. Hey Franklin, it’s a free market, just let it do its thing!”
At press time, Wilkinson was informed by his grandson that he was actually a socialist for living off of his veteran’s retirement benefits for so long, and he should consider entering the job market again on his 100th birthday.
