BALTIMORE — Local slob Bud Brokert attempted to defy the odds by devouring a meatball sub while wearing his last pristine white t-shirt, patrons of Gino’s Sub Shack confirmed.
“It was bad enough he took me to a deli for our anniversary,” lamented wife Laura Brokert. “But when we sat down and he told the waitress he wanted to take on the Belly Buster Mega Meatball Sub Challenge I just couldn’t believe it. I bought him that shirt and he defiled it on our special day. This isn’t the first time he’s done this, either. I’ve had to pick up extra shifts at the bowling alley just to afford all the bleach I’ve been buying.”
Mr. Brokert contends that he had no intention of pursuing the challenge, but was quickly convinced once the prizes were revealed.
“Look, did I go into Gino’s knowing I’d end up on the business end of the Belly Buster Mega Meatball Sub? No,” admitted the hoagie connoisseur. “But when you find out you can get an ‘I Conquered the Belly Buster Mega Meatball Sub’ hat and a $10 gift card just for eating a sandwich, you let the belt out a couple notches and you get to work—regardless of what shirt you’re wearing. Frankly, I like to let the meal dress me and I will not let the contents of my plate be dictated by my apparel. My wife is pretty pissed at me, even after I explained that it’s the restaurant’s fault for inventing the challenge in the first place.”
Gino’s owner Gino Franzone denies any responsibility for the splattered shirt, citing the waiver Brokert signed prior to the challenge.
“Gino’s Sub Shack and its ownership will not be held liable for any damages incurred during the challenge including, but not limited to, the participant’s person, possessions and reputation,” said Franzone, reading from the waiver. “It really couldn’t be any clearer. Plus, everyone knows my secret sauce sticks to your ribs and your clothes—that’s why I offer participants a complimentary bib. In retrospect, I should’ve gotten him a tarp. The man is a monster. About 30 seconds in I recognized the severity of the situation and moved our other guests to the other side of the restaurant.”
Since the incident, members of the community have pitched in to buy Mr. Brokert a three-pack of Hanes white t-shirts under the condition that he gets all his subs to-go moving forward.
