LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Thrifty post-punk fan Dannie Bishop reportedly received an Interpol tape in lieu of the Joy Division LP he ordered off of Temu, confirmed sources who say he is “annoyed, but unsurprised.”
“I guess deep down I knew the 99-cent offer for the album was too good to be true,” said Bishop. “But I didn’t want to believe it. And I don’t really have enough money to buy another one, so I’m just trying to make it work. Last time I played it, I put in a pair of heavy duty earplugs and turned the volume down really low. When I did that, Paul Bank’s haunting baritone vocals sounded exactly like Ian Curtis’ haunting baritone vocals. That’s close enough. But I’m probably going to return it if I still can.”
While Bishop insists that the album replacement is unacceptable, representatives from Temu have refused to accept any responsibility for the mix-up.
“This is entirely Dannie’s fault, not ours,” said Yongfeng Hua, a public representative for Temu. “It says right here in the fine print that the purchase will entitle the customer to an album wherein at least 70% of the musical ideas come from Joy Division. Early Interpol records not only meet that expectation but exceed it. If the customer wishes to raise a complaint about these legally acceptable substitutions, they will need to contact out our customer service department which now consists entirely of AI chatbots.’”
Further still, others in the music community have raised additional questions about Bishop’s choice to use Temu at all.
“Why didn’t he just buy one from me?” said Bernard Summer, guitarist and founding member of Joy Division. “I’ve got four whole shelving units in my basement just filled with these damn LPs and frankly I just want to get rid of them. I would have even sold him a copy for the same price that Temu is charging as long as he covers shipping and all of the Paypal and Discogs fees, which only come out to- oh, never mind.”
As of press time, members of Interpol chipped in to provide Bishop with a copy of a Joy Division album since they had a few dozen copies of “Unknown Pleasures” on hand anyway.
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