WASHINGTON — DHS Secretary Kristi Noem was left shocked and confused after her visit to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum upon discovering the exhibits were not meant to celebrate the actions of the Nazis, sources in the agency have confirmed.
“I was having a lovely afternoon full of laughs until I got to the ‘Science of Race’ exhibit, when the docent had the audacity to tell me the Nazi’s profiling of people based on their religion and ethnicity was a bad thing. I realized I had walked into a den of woke, and this so-called museum was not in fact dedicated to the rise of the Third Reich. I ought to sue for false advertising,” said Noem. “I thought the somber atmosphere was to reflect the tragedy of the Nazis losing to the Marxist globalists and not because they killed six million Jews, allegedly. I suppose this means I won’t find any commemorative SS patches in the gift shop.”
Museum employees were disappointed in Noem’s false assumptions.
“Is this bitch for real? I told her upon arrival the exhibits detailing the atrocities might be disturbing, and she just nodded and winked at me. It took 20 minutes to convince her Polish Jews didn’t choose to live in the Warsaw ghettos. It was hard to tell if I was getting through to her, with her face being frozen and all,” said guide Rachel Leibowitz. ”We invited her to tour the facility in hopes it would inspire her to have a change of heart about demonizing and disappearing people who don’t agree with her boss, but I guess it’s hopeless. If we forget the past, we’re bound to repeat it. But what if the people repeating it are too dumb to understand they’re the bad guys?”
Historical institutions across Washington saw similar trends.
“Noem crashing out doesn’t shock me. Just yesterday some reps from Kansas had a full blown meltdown seeing John Brown’s face in the National Portrait Gallery,” said Smithsonian rep Simon Allen. “At this rate we’re all one misinformed Trump official from being demolished and turned into hotels. Still, it would beat having to explain day after day at the Air and Space Museum that Charles Lindbergh’s unrepentant racism isn’t what made him famous.”
As of press time, Noem asked Trump to intervene at the museum and install a memorial for the Nazi guards who caught colds waiting for the Jews to finish digging their own graves.
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