At The Hard Times, we know how much you love your K-pop. We also know how much you love your pornogrind. Like, you really, really love pornogrind. It’s a bit alarming, actually. Anyway, lucky for you, freak, we’re jazzed to announce your two favorite genres have finally come (heh) together.
Behold K-pornogrind, an autotuned gangbang of pop, hip-hop, R&B, synchronized dance moves, synchronized hair, gurgled vocals, sexually depraved artwork, blast beats, and some good ol’ fashioned corpse fucking. And in multiple languages, too!
Never heard of it? That’s ok. Neither did we until we published this article.
Want a little S&M with your BTS? K-pornogrind. Wish KPop Demon Hunters was just full-on hentai? K-pornogrind. Crave certified bangerz with plenty of hooks? And whips? And ballgags? Nothing gets you finger-gunning and fist-fucking like K-pornogrind!
While no one still quite knows what the “k” actually stands for, it’s pretty much scientific fact that anytime you add “k” to something the world goes absolutely apeshit over it. From Kmart to K-cups to K-pop and now K-pornogrind, the 11th letter of the alphabet reigns culturally supreme! Soon, every kid around the globe will be plastering their bedroom walls with the coolest genital mutilation posters from their favorite K-pornogrind bands.
They say the Velvet Underground never sold any records in their prime, but everybody who bought one formed a band. We say K-pornogrind will also never sell any records, and everyone who buys one will be instantly added to the registered sex offender list.
And hold on to your gimp mask! You truly haven’t experienced K-pornogrind until you’ve witnessed it live. K-pornogrind is selling out basements of homes in foreclosure all across the country. There’s nothing better than seeing your favorite idols perform brilliantly choreographed dance routines to grindcore played at 240 bpm while classic snuff films loop on the jumbotron.
But on the other hand, if extreme music made by middle-aged incels who find rape, misogyny and body-horror hilarious isn’t your thing, maybe you should keep your K-pop pornogrind-free. Actually, just keep your K-pop pornogrind-free, period. And if you have children, steer them away from K-pop-punk, too. Well, the frontmen at least…