ST. LOUIS — An emotionally withdrawn mosh pit refused to open up despite the raw power of Swedish death metal band Amon Amarth’s performance at the Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre beckoning all to embrace feral ecstasy with reckless abandon, confirmed sources.
“It’s just like, I feel like I don’t have the emotional capacity to begin a two-step right now,” a nervous concertgoer offered. “I keep feeling all this pressure to lock in and open up this fucking thing up, but I’m afraid I’d rather spend time alone at this show and avoid spin-kicking. I wasn’t raised to open up pits like this. My dad always taught me to bottle up these feelings and urges to start up a wall of death on the fly. I feel lost and confused and scared. It’s affecting my relationships both with my partner and pits in general.”
Johan Hegg, lead singer of Amon Amarth, was quick to offer support.
“You know, in spite of the fact that all of our songs are about splitting skulls, destroying the enemies of Asgard, and unbelievable violence, we in Amon Amarth both have been and remain dedicated to fostering a safe, nurturing, and loving environment to have our attendee’s limbs and torsos bash into each other like wrenches in a blender,” Hegg tearfully concluded. “If our music is failing to communicate this effectively somehow, then we’re steadfastly committed to creating a space where any and all in the pit will feel free to open this fucking thing up.”
Sociologist Ulla Thorsdottir had some thoughts about the paradoxical nature of this withdrawn pit.
“Many people in their youth do not receive the kind of nurturing that allows one the intrinsic response to feel like the expression of their authentic nature will be well-received in a mosh pit,” said Thorsdottir. “Indeed, many feel like such emotions can and will be punished. It is up to not only the individual, but the entirety of the community, and the pit, to make sure that we help each other break these cycles so we can realize our most truthful selves, especially when it comes to tasty, sweaty mosh pits.”
As of this report, Amon Amarth was seen leading the pit through a series of mindfulness exercises, knowing full well that while still withdrawn, perfection is the enemy of good.