So it finally happened, huh? There’s a hole in your apartment. Wall, sink, tub, floor, it could be any of these options – yet they all leave you with the same groveling request: Will you fill my hole? Simply mortifying. Similar to the previous predicament, you could have any sort of super since they all boil down to: A person you would never want to beg to fill your holes. It’s something us renters all have the potential to face, yet we simply haven’t put in the work to expand the lexicon for the sake of our collective embarrassment.
I’m here to forge a new path. Or suggest some options that might feel more appropriate to you next time you come face-to-face with a hole. Below are 10 ways to ask your super to fill your holes that don’t sound like what I just said.
SOS! The mouse doors are ajar.
This is great if you have a mouse running around the house. It’s urgent, clear, and somewhat mysterious…conjuring adorable images of a tiny crime scene, and more importantly nothing sexy.
Are you free to permeate the empty parts?
This is a display of edging. Riding the line between erotic and technical. If you do want to flirt with your super, but don’t want to be too crass, this might be a perfect pick for you.
I need help overflowing the shapes in my walls
The perfect option for our architects, engineers, and plumbers. Artistic yet practical.
I don’t think Courtney Love would condone this kind of Hole. You free to come up and jam?
This would be ideal if you had a very chill and punk super.
Can you patch up the abstract wall art my boyfriend made?
We’ve all been there ladies: Dated a guy who punched holes in drywall. Sick bruh. Here’s an option that makes it feel a little cooler, might even lessen the pain of the reality that you have to break up with him, but that’s next problem. For now you just want to communicate to the super that you have a boyfriend.
I need you to penetrate the void.
A philosophically sexual statement that begs all kinds of questions. Like, a lot of questions and maybe some problems as well.
Can you top off the empties?
A great option for our service workers out there! Maybe you could even start calling your super ‘chef’ just to spice things up.
The house has been injured. Scalpel?
Another career specific option that sanitizes the ask.
I beg of you to mend the patches of my home.
Desperate, but oh so whimsical it almost doesn’t matter. This is a good option if you’re a renter looking to feel like a trad-wife writing in her secret diary.
I hope that one of these options can lessen the blow of your hole requests. You’re not alone in this. Just because you’ve found a hole doesn’t mean you can’t report it in your own way and on your own terms, no matter how confused your super may become.