QUEENS, N.Y. — Local man Nate McKellen was shocked to find that his landlord slapped him with a massive fine for housing undisclosed roommates after reporting a bedbug infestation in his apartment, other building tenants have confirmed.
“Listen, it specifically states on the lease that anyone renting an apartment with multiple tenants, be they possess vertebrae or thorax, has to get the OK from me first. It feels like Nate was reporting this alleged infestation after they wouldn’t pay rent or something, and wants me to kick them out for him,” said landlord Terry Franklin. “$10 per roommate is more than fair, especially when you’re talking about five hundred of them. He thought he could get away with it, but you can’t pull a fast one on old Terry.”
McKellen was blindsided by his landlord’s accusation of trying to split the rent between hundreds of blood-sucking insects.
“I am literally throwing out everything I own and this guy has the balls to tape a letter to my door insinuating that I invited these fuckers? I pay $3,000 a month for a studio with black mold, bad plumbing, and a radiator that never shuts off no matter how hot it is. Apparently, now it’s my fault he never sprays for bugs,” said McKellen as he was throwing trash bags of clothing out of his window. “Does he think I put out a Craigslist ad for hundreds of parasites to move in and we’re all just having a grand old time here? I’m not surprised, after all this is the same guy who tried to hit me with a small pet fee after I reported a huge rat in my kitchen last month. Maybe I’ll mail him some of my ‘roommates’ with my fine.”
Tenant rights advocates noted these kinds of fines are sadly becoming more commonplace.
“Property ownership has increasingly become a game of how hard you can fuck your renters, and much of said fucking has come in the form of gratuitous fines and infractions. We’ve fought back against plenty of landlords and their frivolous penalties like the one guy who alleged his tenant was illegally subletting to a ghost,” said Megan Williams. “These people should take a good look in the mirror next time they want to fine someone for bugs, since they clearly need a reminder who’s the real vermin.”
As of press time, McKellen was served an eviction notice after his landlord had also accused him of operating an illegal Airbnb for carpenter ants.