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I Refuse To Change My Guitar Strings Out of Protest of How Hard It Is To Change Guitar Strings

The world is changing too rapidly. Between advances in culture and technology, some of us can’t keep up and many people are simply refusing to comply out of protest. From COVID mandates to language policing, people all across the country are starting to resist. For me, that means refusing to change my guitar strings in protest of a world that has simply pushed too far. And also because the little “E” one is really hard to get on and I cut my finger real bad the last time I tried.

When I hold an American flag I think, “These colors don’t run.” Similarly, I think the same thing when I hold up my axe and see how caked in rust and blood the strings are.

I believe in tradition. I also believe in manufacturing products that require very little maintenance and are intuitive when they do. Seriously, guitars have been around since at least the 70s and we still haven’t found a way to push a button and get new strings? It’s 2021 for God’s sake. I just ordered magic mushrooms to be delivered to my apartment that happens to be within miles of the fucking White House. Where is our Uber for guitar tech?

We need to slow down on consumerism too, people. Life is not a race for shiny new toys unless those toys are effects pedals. Why must we consume so much? Why can’t we just enjoy what we have? For instance, I’ve had these same guitar strings on my axe for the last fourteen years. I was rocking against Clinton when I got these strings. Me and these strings have rocked against so many people at this point. How can I change them now? Seriously, how? No one taught me and everyone on r/guitar thinks I’m trolling.

Not changing your strings is also great for the environment. Is your tin-plated steel footprint as small as mine? I bet you go through guitar strings faster than I go through plastic straws, teabags, and cans of extra-aerosol hairspray. Plus, the “B” string takes like a week to settle in before it can adequately stay in tune and I might get my first gig during that time period. Can’t risk it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to spend the next fifteen minutes carefully tuning to drop D. Otherwise, I might snap a string and then I’ll have to learn another instrument, which I’m pretty sure is how bass players are made.