Jason VanSlycke
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PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to…
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Ben Friedman
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With so many dubious reports and "studies" flooding our news channels and social media, it is damn near impossible to…
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Jonah Nink
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SAN FRANCISCO — Pop punk archaeologists uncovered shocking evidence that ancient Green Day fans boiled captives alive inside of hollow…
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Reece Napierski
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BOSTON — Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology determined that billionaire and father of 13 Elon Musk is statistically…
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Ben Friedman
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Not to sound like a bitter old man but things truly were better back in the halcyon days of the…
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SAN DIEGO — A local group of five CSU San Marcos English majors formed a remedial math rock band to…
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Ben Friedman
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WASHINGTON — Donald Trump announced that he would be meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin to discuss a number of…
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Chris Bratton
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BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who…
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Doug Kolic
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Experts say taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things you can do. That’s why…
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Chris Bowen
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LOWELL, Mass. — Local boozehound Dennis McLaughlin was divinely inspired to continue to drink to the point of incoherence after…
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