Unhinged Trump Blocks New York Times on Twitter After Hitting 10th Free Article of the Month

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump blocked the New York Times on Twitter at 4:30 a.m. this morning after hitting his 10th free article of the month on their website, according to White House officials.

Shortly after being denied free access to any more articles on the New York Times website, Trump reportedly began stomping around the Oval Office in a fury.

“Yeah, he was apparently trying to read an article about a new cake store in Manhattan, but he was blocked by a paywall. At that point, he just sort of lost it,” said one White House staffer who chose to remain anonymous. “He knocked over the stack of executive orders he’s so proud of, then sat in front of a painting of himself, repeating softly, ‘Big boys don’t cry.’ I hid behind the curtains so he didn’t see me there.”

Sources close to journalists at the Times report they are not considerably upset about being blocked on Twitter by the President.

“Hahahahahahahahahahaha,” op-ed contributor Nicholas Kristof allegedly said. “Hahahahaha! Oh, man. Ha! Oh, I can’t believe it. Oh, man. I can’t believe he thinks we care at all. I can’t stop laughing. Oh, god, that’s good.”

Not all media members responded as flippantly as Mr. Kristof. Journalists leaning towards the other side of the political aisle praised President Trump for his decision making abilities.

“Those libtard idiots got what they deserved!” shouted Breitbart correspondent Rick Fronde in a six-minute YouTube video praising free speech and denouncing the “left wing propaganda machine.” “If the President wants to block some stupid, fake-news website, that’s his right as an American. Real news doesn’t make you pay for it!”

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Even the President himself weighed in on the issue during a press conference, with reporters from the New York Times, as well as a variety of other media sources he’d blocked, attending.

“I read the news every day. All the news. In fact, I’m so good at absorbing news, I mostly just watch it. I consume so much news, it would make your head spin,” said President Trump. “But the New York Times wants the American people to pay for information? That is sad. So sad. When I become President again, nobody will have to pay for anything. That’s a promise.”

Bolstering the President, many of Trump’s diehard supporters praised his choice on Twitter, starting a campaign to boycott the New York Times. One user, @MAGAmind3303, tweeted, “I never read the New York Times and so it’s just gonna be that much easier to boycott it.”

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Article by Jeremy Kaplowitz @jeremysmiles


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