SHIPPENSBURG, Pa. – Black clouds obscured an ice white moon amidst terrible rumblings echoing from the depths of the underworld today as Mitch Hubbins, a.k.a. Neftock, Master of Darkness, agreed to cover Robin McNally’s shift at 7-11.
“I feel like I’m always asking Mitch to cover for me,” McNally said. “But he always comes through! Only downside is, whenever he takes one of my shifts, he has me sign the ‘debt’ column in some book of souls or something? I dunno. He is pretty into theater.”
After agreeing to cover McNally’s shift, Neftock returned to painting the intricate pieces of an evil, Perfect Grade 1/60 scale Gundam model, the likes of which the hobby shops of hell had never seen; his focus was intense, monastic, until interrupted by his mother’s request to mow the lawn.
“He never cuts the grass, never takes out the trash. But he’s got all the time in the world to write verse poetry about the forbidden realms,” Neftock’s mom, Mrs. Collette Hubbins, said. “We told him, ‘if you get good grades, hold a job… you can dress how you want. Do some extracurriculars and we’ll relax on the curfew.’ And Mitchy’s been good. But getting this kid to step into sunlight is damn near impossible. I mean, maybe he wouldn’t be so miserable if he didn’t wear a velvet cloak in the middle of July.”
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“I’ve actually never seen him leave or enter the store,” 7-11 manager Maria Santos said. “I wait around until 9pm and inevitably get distracted and then he’s here. Great employee, though. Very polite. But the music he plays is weird — it sounds like sex music for vampires. There have been numerous complaints.”
Deep in the bowels of his parent’s suburban split level home, Neftock, Ruler of the Ethereal Plane, searched the internet for pornography. Reports show he allowed his mind to wander and reflect on the cursed souls that do his bidding before remembering he’s going to need to rotate all the dairy products in the coolers, and that Terry’s drawer will probably be short from the day shift so he’ll have to even that out. “Goddamnit,” he whispered to the void, “this job sucks balls.”
Article by Steven Kowalski @casimerkowalski.
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