White Guy About to Hit First ‘N-Word’ in Kanye West Karaoke

WALNUT CREEK, Calif. — Local white guy Randy Murphy brought unexpected tension and horror to O’Malley’s Bar & Grill late last week when he — seemingly unaware of the social landmines littered throughout the song — approached the first “N-word” in a karaoke version of Kanye West’s “All Falls Down,” according to fellow patrons.

Murphy, allegedly visiting O’Malley’s on a first date with Economics undergrad Jessica Almer, made the uninformed choice of song after consuming several “O’Malley Coronaritas” — a margarita mixed with beer — in a misguided effort to impress his date with his knowledge of hip-hop, selecting the track without first screening the lyrics for language that could cause his social demise.

“I could tell he was in trouble right away,” said Almer. “He slurred his words and couldn’t keep up with the song. And when Kanye rhymes ‘third’ with ‘career,’ [Murphy] just kind of stared at the screen for a second. I think he realized what was coming.”

Some of Murphy’s roommates were at O’Malley’s that night as well, and agreed their friend likely didn’t know what he’d done until it was too late.

“We’re here every Tuesday,” said longtime friend Anthony Van Dyke. “Wouldn’t miss it. They got four dollar Margaronas tonight, ya know? That’s where they put tequila into your beer. Anyway, Randy picked this song, and I remember thinking, ‘Oh, shit. Did Randy pick this song?’ Doesn’t he know what’s about to happen?”

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Witnesses say Van Dyke dashed for the stage to try to stop the imminent racial slur, but was too late.

Richard O’Malley, owner and proprietor of O’Malley’s, later vowed to have the song removed as soon as he could “figure out the damn machine,” which he insisted is “a piece of shit that only that attracts punk kids and needs more Eagles songs.”

Management at O’Malley’s comped the meals and drinks of those in attendance, later announcing Karaoke Tuesdays would be on “indefinite hiatus” while issuing an apology for Murphy’s “extremely hard R.”

Article by Steven Yuen @panda_panhandle. Photo by David Bolton.

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