Stoner Metal Band Just Regular Metal Band While Interviewing for Jobs

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Local stoner metal band Soundmurder are making “painful” sacrifices to accommodate a tedious, sober search for a new day job following their bassist’s recent layoff, according to sources close to the band.

Members of the marijuana-fueled metal band are reportedly willing to do whatever it takes to get bass player Lucas Bijan a new side gig.

“We made the decision as a band to not smoke an ounce of pot until Lucas lands a new gig,” said vocalist Shelley Case. “It’s hard to interview for a job when you’re in a doom/prog/sludge/stoner metal band. We’re pretty much a neon sign that says, ‘Drug test me!’ You have to be careful.”

Sources report Bijan, who described his previous job at a marble and ceramics warehouse as “pretty chill,” has been interviewing for new positions throughout the last week.

“I got canned after new management came in — they saw me wearing a Weedeater shirt and found a link to our Bandcamp, and next thing you know, I’m peeing in a cup,” said Bijan. “I knew I was fucked. I tried drinking a shitload of vinegar the night before to help flush my system, but I just ended up throwing up a bunch.”

To aid in the search, Soundmurder is temporarily scrubbing marijuana from their branding.

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“I’ve heard 90 percent of prospective employers will look up what bands you’re in, so, for now, we’re just a regular-ass metal band,” said a red-eyed Case. “As long as a potential employer doesn’t buy the hard copy of our record Grim Reefer and see us all smoking in the liner notes, we’re in the clear.”

The unemployed bassist is appreciative of the help, but the lifestyle change is reportedly taking a toll.

“We sound way worse when I’m not smoking,” he said. “I mean, I’ve had some friends tell me this is how my bass playing always sounded, but I don’t buy it.”

On the eve of an interview with a local burger chain, with the help of his friends, Bijan feels ready.

“I’m going in there prepared,” he said. “With a bag of clean piss taped to my left leg, and a remastered LP taped to my right.”

Article by Kyle Erf @KyleErf.


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