Band at SXSW Breakfast Showcase Grateful for Opportunity to Go Unnoticed by So Many Important Industry People

AUSTIN, Texas — Indie-rock band The Goonie Squad was “thrilled” by the chance to go unnoticed by two dozen hungover, apathetic industry leaders during SXSW’s breakfast showcase earlier this morning, according to band members.

“When they asked us to open for the ‘Motorola Rise & Grind’ breakfast showcase, we knew it was the chance of a lifetime,” gushed frontman Allen McTeague. “It’s the first show on a stacked Friday lineup. We never played at 8:00 am before, but we were ready to rise to the occasion.”

Grateful to play their hearts out for disinterested and half-conscious tastemakers, The Goonie Squad drove 31 hours straight to Austin, from their homebase in Montpelier, Vermont.

“We maxed out my dad’s credit card for the tour van, but it was worth it,” said guitarist Ken McCutcheon. “I saw some heads nodding over at the omelet station — one guy even yelled out, ‘Please goddamn shut the fuck up so I can drink my coffee in peace.’ Turns out, he’s a marketing agent at Island, so that’s exciting.”

Their van being only one major expense, The Goonie Squad admitted they also poured all their savings into producing merchandise for the show.

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“We got shirts, tapes, CDs, beer koozies, you name it,” boasted drummer Melanie Goodell. “Two people bought shirts — one guy spilled a bunch of syrup on his chest and wore it inside out; the other guy cleaned up some puke with his. But we’ll take it. That’s two more people who can remember our name.”

The showcase audience of label reps, journalists, and bloggers mostly edited on Instagram and drank Bloody Marys, as The Goonie Squad played the best set of their career to mixed reviews.

“I don’t know why they bother scheduling these early showcases,” moaned journalist Tracy Knowles, missing the band’s heartfelt “thanks” to look for aspirin. “All I can hear right now is my skull splitting open.”

“Back home, everybody’s doing pay-to-play gigs like a bunch of suckers,” said McCutcheon, still high from the rush of a 15-minute unpaid showcase with no soundcheck. “Not us — we only do gigs that matter.”

Article by Ashley Naftule @Emperor_norton

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