You Can Tell I’m an Ally Because of How Often I Call Myself One

It is very important that cisgender white males like myself take our privilege and use it in service to various communities that need our support. And it is even more important for me to broadcast that fact on every social media platform I own. So let me make this perfectly clear: I am an ally.

I’m an ally on Facebook. Don’t worry minorities, you know you can count on me to blare that ally horn every time something bad happens to you. Like one of those racist cop cars that so often chase you down and OPPRESS you.

I’m an ally on Twitter. Check it out LGBTQ community, cause @CALIALLY (The only state that has ELIMINATED all inequality) is here to drop Twitter truth bombs on all those bigots in the south who think Tegan and Sara are sisters because THEY THINK LESBIANS ALL LOOK THE SAME (Idiots). On Instagram I am an ally. I only follow non-white models (You always have my support, ladies. Slut shaming is NOT OK).

Before I was an ally, my life SUCKED. I had no purpose and my self-esteem was at rock bottom. Then I read my friend Sean’s long status on Facebook about how he is an ally and saw it got over 100 likes I was like, “I gotta be a part of that.”

And now I am, forever (because I got, “ALLY” tattooed across my knuckles on both hands)!

Related: All Opinions Are Welcome at This Inclusive Venue Except Those That Are Wrong

Some people question my authenticity: they say that maybe I shouldn’t be so vocal about how much mental and sexual PLEASURE it gives me to say I am an ally in every conversation I have. To them I say that being silent is being complicit and let me assure you that I am never complicit in anything. I will keep fighting this fight no matter who tells me stop.

And trust me, plenty of people have told me stop.

Show the world you’re one of the good ones, buy a Hard Times shirt!

Article by Mike Amory 


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