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Tag: speaker of the house

3 stories found

We Sat Down With Porn Enthusiast Mike Johnson To See What He and His Son Have Been Jacking off to Lately

Tim Sheard • April 18, 2026

If you’re reading this, we know you’re just as much of a fan of sucking, fucking, and stroking as we…

Ominous Pulsating Dark Orb To Replace Kevin McCarthy As House Speaker

Corey Montgomery • October 4, 2023

WASHINGTON — An ominous pulsating dark orb with unknown powers is set to replace Kevin McCarthy as the Speaker of…

Desperate Kevin McCarthy Agrees to Two Over-the-Pants Handjobs in Exchange for House Speaker Votes in His Favor

The Hard Times Staff • January 5, 2023

WASHINGTON — Embattled Rep. Kevin McCarthy offered Republican colleagues two over-the-pants handjobs, redeemable at any time within his term, if…