First of all, its name is Jeremy. And second, I don’t care if it can literally melt my skin while asphyxiating me to death if…
BALTIMORE — Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Medical Center recently performed the first successful procedure to physiologically affix classic rock fan Denny Clainsborough’s girlfriend, Jill, atop…
DENVER — Local man Liam Cooper announced that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich his girlfriend charitably made for him was “worse than eating dog…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local actuary Kelly Freeman reported that her recent breakup from noise musician Floyd Harrell has “completely ruined” the genre for her, but…
NEW YORK — Attendees of a dinner party hosted by Jon and James Adler were ignorant that the couple had engaged in a raw, depraved…
CORNWALL, UK — Singer and pianist Tori Amos officially entered into a domestic partnership with her longtime piano bench in a quiet ceremony with close…
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. — Local woman Alicia Beacon discovered a major red flag during her first date with Tony Delough in his overwhelmingly vocal distaste for…
SIMI VALLEY, Calif. -— Punk sommelier and founder of Rotten Grape Vineyards, Terry “Tooth” Berkley recently shouted that the only good pairing is whippits and…
NEW YORK — Compassionate Queens native Kacey Mora selflessly volunteered her time to help bathe actor and infrequent washer Jake Gyllenhaal, sources close to the…
CHICAGO — Perpetually lonely heterosexual man Cliff Parker is living under the mistaken assumption that he would be getting a lot more action if he…