not cool Archives - HARDTIMES

DEA Officials Confirm Elon Musk’s Ketamine Habit the Single Most Effective Way to Make Drugs Look Uncool

Adam Frost-Venrick • May 25, 2025

SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is…

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Hipster Knew Nickelback Before They Weren’t Cool

Bobby Korec • January 5, 2023

NEW YORK — Local barista and music know-it-all Nathaniel Pellson claimed he knew Canadian band Nickelback long before they weren’t…

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Man Invents Pillow That’s Always Cool on Both Sides

John Merrifield • September 5, 2021

IDAHO FALLS, Idaho — Local man and recent entrepreneur Shawn Roberts revealed a pillow he invented while stoned off his…

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Please Quit Staring at Me While I’m Trying to Bartend

Mark Roebuck • September 19, 2017

OK look, I know you’re all here because there’s a show tonight, and you’re so excited about whatever lame band…

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