SAN MATEO, Calif. – President-elect Donald Trump announced via Truth Social his intention to remove “any and all” federal protections for the near-extinct Aquabats. “It’s…
Well folks, it’s been another week filled with rapidly decreasing sunlight and gross moldy leaves that remind you of your own fleeting mortality. Nobody likes…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Experts warned that if re-elected, former President Trump’s stringent border policies could prevent thousands of Canadian girlfriends from making it to American…
Another week, another slew of new music that you can’t be bothered to listen to. What happened to you? You used to be cool. Well,…
Another summer is passing you by. You’ve made and canceled plans, talked about going on grand trips that will never happen, and promised to listen…
Well, it’s been another terrifying week but you’ve made it through with your heart, brain, and most of your fingers intact. Oh, we almost forgot…
Hot enough for you? If you answered ‘no,’ that’s probably good because devastating heat waves aren’t going to get better anytime soon. Climate catastrophes aside,…
WASHINGTON — Closeted Republican politicians across the country breathed a collective sigh of relief following Elon Musk’s announcement that likes on X will no longer…
Yet another lifeless week has passed you by without fanfare. While you’ve tried to keep a cool head about it, you feel your relevancy and…
Well, well, well. It’s been another eventful week for everyone but you. While you’ve been mindlessly scrolling on your phone and working a permanent you-sized…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal musician, and noted septuagenarian, Ozzy Osbourne broke new ground when he became the first old white man to complain about…
You’ve survived another holiday and spent the entire week scouring the internet for deals on things you otherwise wouldn’t think to buy on a normal…
MOUNT JOY, Penn. — Slipknot’s latest music video for the song “Hive Mind” turned out to actually be a thinly veiled promotional material for the…
Music has the power to bring people together. It can strengthen bonds and form common ground between the most hardened of enemies. Still, when it’s…
Seems like everywhere you look these days there’s a new song waiting to be heard. No, we’re not being poetic here. We’re not using the…