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4 stories found

“That Kind of Music Sounds All The Same,” Says Fucking Genius Friend Who Figured Out How Genres Work

Stephen Bell • August 20, 2025

UPPER ARLINGTON, Ohio — Local fucking genius music critic Sam Buchman recently made very poignant critiques of all of their…

Pitchfork Writer Visiting Home Describes Mom’s Dinner as “A Derivative Slog Through White Suburban Mediocrity”

Tim Graham • August 17, 2025

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — Music critic Sophie McKennitt brutally lambasted her mother’s cooking during a recent visit home, according to…

Opinion: Society Will Still Need Snarky Music Critics After Civilization Collapses

Ben Friedman • April 17, 2025

Unless you’ve been blissfully unaware of any and all current events, this country is fucked. I’m not trying to sound…

Opinion: This Band Is Hands Down the Worst Shit I’ve Ever Heard and You Couldn’t Pay Me to Ever Listen to Them Again, Good People Though!

Chris Bowen • November 12, 2024

So last night, they had their monthly metal show down at Reese's Rock Quarry and there was this band called…