Alfred Barnes
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September 9, 2025
BALTIMORE — Black metal vocalist Ben “Plaguebearer” Rockwood wreaked havoc during Wincrest Elementary’s recent Play Day following questionable face paintings…
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Dan Kozuh
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September 1, 2025
KENILWORTH, Ill. — Local metalhead Travis Garnette was dejected after failing to scare unsuspecting suburbanites while wandering around Lovelace Park…
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Steve Packosky
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July 28, 2025
PUEBLO, Colo. — Metalhead James Kingor concluded that it’s just easier to let his family think he’s goth instead of…
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Dan Kozuh
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July 12, 2025
DENVER — Local metalhead Nick Landon, 35, carefully considered his answer after his primary care physician asked him how many…
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Chris Bowen
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July 6, 2025
AUBURN, N.Y. — Local metalhead Stew Benendez came to the realization he could no longer headbang the way he used…
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Steve Packosky
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June 30, 2025
WATERVILLE, Maine — Lead guitarist Lloyd Weil of band Visceral Stench surprised his bandmates by adding an unbelievably intricate solo…
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Steve Packosky
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June 5, 2025
FRESNO, Calif. — You expressed confusion over the band Manowar’s inability to get your girlfriend in the mood for sexual…
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Steve Packosky
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May 24, 2025
MARSHALL, Minn. — Slovenly and unkempt metalhead Freddy Clark somehow sported the most beautiful head of hair you’d ever encountered,…
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S.L. Neechski
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March 28, 2025
MILWAUKEE, Wisc. — Local metalhead Zach Schmidt and goth Brandon Cleary got into a heated slap-fight over who was entitled…
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Ryan Dondero
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March 12, 2025
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local thrash metal fan Zack Holloway reportedly plays doom metal records at 78 RPM in a desperate…
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