CINCINNATI — Dinosaur experts gathering for the annual Society of Vertebrate Paleontology conference made the surprising announcement that they still can’t explain how the prehistoric…
DUBAI — Attendees of the COP28 Climate Summit set aside the solutions to impending climate catastrophe after being dazzled by the inclusion of an ostentatious…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Rusty Steinman reportedly multiplied at a rapid rate after coming into direct contact with water, confirmed weirded out sources.…
Ugh, what a day. I never want to see the inside of a courtroom again! Seriously, you drive drunk through one backyard, end up crashing…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Metal show promoter Gary Pearson allegedly requires local bands to sell a minimum of 50 tickets and perform an embarrassing dance in…
NEW YORK — Spotify CEO Daniel Ek announced that the company would be laying off one-sixth of its workforce, though affected employees were offered an…
SEATTLE — Legendary underground band Vomit Asylum admitted they would love to break through to the mainstream with a song adored by the masses that…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local drone metal fan Judson Riley was recently seen in his neighborhood gas station murmuring, “What band is this?” as a Slurpee…
When I put on my outfit this morning, I really thought I looked fantastic. Black skinny jeans, Chelsea boots, button-down shirt, skinny-tie, slouchy blazer with…
SEDONA, Ariz. — Local man Shelly Peabody informed his friends in The Tent Pole Pedestal that not only would he not be able to attend…
Winter is right around the corner and like many of you, I’ve been frolicking in crunchy leaves, wearing all of my stylish coats and sweaters,…
Kid Rock Wins Creepy Talent Show After Reciting Verbatim Every Age of Consent Law From All 50 States
Kid Rock Wins Creepy Talent Show After Reciting Verbatim Every Age of Consent Law From All 50 States
WACO, Texas. — Kid Rock was announced as the winner of a local talent show that catered to creeps after he recited the age of…
BALTIMORE — Volunteers with the organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Acoustics (PETA (But Not Assholes)) recently rescued a badly mistreated Yamaha acoustic guitar…
I met with my therapist today. He said I should start to see the benefits of my journaling soon, but it’s been three years. Four…
DUBLIN — Pogues frontman Shane MacGowan passed away after a lengthy illness at age 65, or 112 when converted to Irish Poet years, according to…