HAWTHORNE, Calif. — A mechanical engineer at SpaceX spontaneously exploded while quietly working on a CAD drawing, according to blood-spattered sources. “The noise and spray…
LOS ANGELES — Emergency crews were dispatched to the newly opened Tesla Diner after six patrons were left with life-threatening injuries as a result of…
Like any aspiring anarchist, I want to do what I can to burn this entire rotten system to the ground and bring in a new…
BROWNSVILLE, Texas — SpaceX announced they will no longer be allowing school teachers on their spaceships following the second explosion of a Starship mega rocket…
UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor Michael Hagen’s unwillingness to sacrifice…
NANTICOKE, Pa. — After going through an arduous divorce, horrified witnesses reported that local resident Andrew Stone said “fuck it” under his breath to himself…