John Danek
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COVINGTON, Ky. — Neophyte bassist Braxton Reynolds came to the startling realization last week that his metronome apparently jumps wildly…
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Dan Kozuh
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JASPER, Ark. — Local militia member Lance Hagan accidentally ate the three years' worth of emergency rations while anxiously watching…
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Anna Walsh
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WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being…
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Mark Roebuck
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AUSTIN, Texas -- Sleep-deprived insurrectionist Terrence Dravenstatt finally achieved a good night’s rest last night after using a modified version…
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