NEW YORK — Local weakling and black metal singer Percy “Blall” Miller of the group Assküm spent the entirety of his band’s 30-minute set attempting…
Deafheaven appeared out of nowhere in 2011 with a solid debut LP, and then became the decade’s most exhaustively-argued-about purveyors of heavy music in 2013.…
AUSTIN, Texas — Lady Nocturne, the founder and sole member of anonymous black metal project Broken Widow, admitted her secret identity only exists to spare…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local black metal-themed book club Readers Morgul recently started their twelfth re-read of J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic “The Lord of the Rings,” sources…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Ryan Trent, a lifelong metalhead in his late 40s, is having a crisis of identity after hearing Darkthrone’s black metal scorcher “Summer…
FRENCH LICK, Ind. — Local black metal parents Suzanne and Dmitri Ubnatern are persistent in asking their 30-year-old daughter to give them grandchildren to metaphorically…
DALLAS — Despondent black metal bedroom musician Dale “Vaxxix” Houlihan recently came to the sudden realization that the spiritual void in his life is best…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Fans of black metal stalwarts Bloodfrost became disenchanted with the supposedly Satanic quartet when it was recently discovered the band’s latest publicity…
OSLO, Norway — Members of the black metal band Flesheating Cadaver are reportedly entirely unaware that they have accidentally chosen a death metal name, vicariously…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — New father Gareth Desmond began to question his wife’s fidelity after she gave birth to a baby in full corpse paint which…
MESA, Ariz. — Black metal band Christrot took a band promo photo in what is obviously a restaurant storage cooler in order to emulate the…
Dear black metal fans, this may come as a shock to many of you but I am not a Satanist. Despite my appearance and everything…
BEIJING — Norway added another gold medal in the 2022 Winter Olympic Games when their team of Black Metal musicians dominated the Standing Around in…
TAMPA, Fla. — Norwegian black metal band Emyn Arnen were seen wandering into a JCPenney store after spotting a prominent Black Friday sign in the…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local metalhead Damien Walsh is recovering at the Holly Hill Hospital after suffering severe nerve damage in his neck from visualizing himself…