Punks Chant ‘Encore!’ at Costco Sample Lady
VANCOUVER, Canada — A group of snack-loving punks chanted “Encore!” with vigorous intent after Costco sample lady Liu Mei finished handing out her last free serving of jalapeño poppers before exiting the station, confirmed sources. “It’s…
Woah Little Dude, Chill! This 3rd Grader Wants To Begin His Cussing Career With “Pissfucker
Could my nephew Gabriel be the Modern Icarus? He wouldn’t know because he called me a Turd Wanker when I tried to teach him about… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
How Many Fucking Beatles Documentaries Are Gonna Be Enough for You Goddamn Maniacs?
Hospital Billing Department Determined To Keep Battling Patient Long After Cancer Has Given Up
HOUSTON — Memorial Heights Hospital billing director Karen Williams confirmed Monday that she and her team remain determined to battling a former patient long after… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
8 Movies You Could Never Make Today Because It’s Already 2 PM and Making a Feature Film Typically Takes Several Months, if Not Years, From Development To Pre-Production to Principal Photography to Post-Production To Marketing and Distribution
When discussing classic films, particularly the comedies of yesteryear, a common and often repeated take is “Wow, you could NEVER make that today.” While it’s… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Rebel Without a Cause Clearly Not Looking Very Hard
Sociologists Confirm: Midday Coffee Best First Date For People Who Love Shitting and Panicking
SEATTLE — Sociologists at the University of Washington confirmed that midday coffee is the best first date for people who can’t get enough of shitting… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Aging B-Boy Has Groove in the Heart, Kidneys, Lymphatic System
DISCO, Wisc. — Renowned b-boy and breakdancer Derrick Emu stunned Deee-Lite fans by revealing the groove he contracted during his time with the band has spread from his heart to his kidneys and lymphatic system, sources confirmed. “It’s day to…
Looksmaxxing Metalhead Purposely Fractures His Cranial Bones To Reshape Skullet
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Metalhead and self-proclaimed looksmaxxer Owen Reynolds used a hammer to break several…
The Sphere to Use Cutting-Edge Technology to Help No Doubt Fans Forget Who Gwen Stefani Likely Voted For
LAS VEGAS — Engineers at the Sphere in Las Vegas are reportedly using state-of-the-art technology…
Punk House Enters 28th Consecutive Month of ‘No Mow May’
HOUSTON — Residents of a local punk house have unconsciously participated in “No Mow May”…
Nation’s Beefcakes Demand All ‘Appetite for Destruction’ Shirts Be Sold With Sleeves Pre-Cut
LOS ANGELES — The nation’s buff hunks have demanded all “Appetite for Destruction” shirts be…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…