Fetterman Liberal Again After Second Fall
WASHINGTON — John Fetterman’s internal pendulum has reportedly shifted to far-left ideology following a second ambiguous health episode, according to sources close to the Senator. “One more tumble and all of a sudden he’s back to calling…
Trump Suddenly Doesn’t Want To Make a Big Deal About Someone’s Emails
WASHINGTON — In light of recently released emails between Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell that mention Donald Trump by name, in what some are calling… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Man Addicted to AI Porn Can’t Get Hard with Five-Fingered Women Anymore
REVERE, Mass. — Local porn addict AJ Robkowski reportedly watched so much AI porn that he no longer finds real-life humans attractive, as evidenced in… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Opinion: This Destination Wedding Is the Perfect Way To Make People Forget We’ve Been Cheating on Each Other
I don’t care what anybody says over at the Hallmark Greeting Card Company, love is difficult. The prospect of spending your life with someone is… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Band Crashing on Floor Really Dropping Hints They Expect Pancakes Tomorrow
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Touring Australian egg-punk band PENCIL PILE were heard to be dropping major hints that they’d like their crash pad host to… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Stay in the Know
Music
Tyler, the Creator Locked in Eternal Cosmic Struggle with Tyler, the Destroyer
LOS ANGELES — Musician Tyler, the Creator’s struggle with rival cosmic entity Tyler, the Destroyer is projected to reign eternal, metaphysical sources report. “There can only ever be one true me,” claimed Tyler, the Creator. “But when the mystical opposite…
Black Metal Vocalist Moonlighting as Face Painter “Ruins” Elementary School’s Play Day
BALTIMORE — Black metal vocalist Ben “Plaguebearer” Rockwood wreaked havoc during Wincrest Elementary’s recent Play…
Attractive Woman on Subway Probably Just Waiting Until the Right Moment to Compliment Your Gorguts Shirt
BOSTON — An attractive woman seated across from you on the subway was probably just…
Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat Awarded Nobel Prize in Physics for Their Groundbreaking Work In How Opposites Attract
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Iconic ‘80s pop duo Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat were awarded…
Goldfinger Lead Singer Clarifies Superman He's Trying to Be is Not the Dean Cain Version
LOS ANGELES — Goldfinger frontman John Feldmann took to Instagram to clarify the band’s seminal…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…