Greg Bovino Considering Freelance Fascism
WASHINGTON – After being relieved of his authoritarian duties in Minneapolis, former Border Patrol commander Greg Bovino has been considering a potential shift to freelance fascism, sources close to the situation report. “Being a p…
Sex Ruined by Lackluster Spank From Man Who’s Just Not a Spanker
SEATTLE — Local woman Bess Corcoran’s recent sexual encounter with her new romantic partner was deemed lackluster after she asked him to spank her, only… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
We Sat Down With French Stewart To Talk About the D.C. Hardcore Scene Because There Was a Mixup With Our Calendar
ICE Confirms Man With Kind Eyes Who Dedicated Life To Helping Sick Veterans “No Longer a Threat”
MINNEAPOLIS — Border Patrol chief Greg Bovino confirmed that Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old VA intensive care nurse known for his empathy, compassion, and strong sense… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Panicked Ben Shapiro Puts Wet Wife into Big Bag of Rice
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Conservative political commentator Ben Shapiro rushed to dry out his wife after she told him of her condition, according to sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Man Finally Rich and Successful Enough To Accept Internship
Tiny Desk Concert Not Particularly Receptive to Tiny Circle Pit
WASHINGTON — An attempted tiny circle pit during a Tiny Desk Concert in NPR’s headquarters was not well-met by almost everyone in attendance, irritated sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Music
Paul Simon’s ‘Kodachrome’ Voted Best Song on the ‘Coneheads’ Soundtrack for 32nd Year in a Row
NEW YORK — Online music magazine Pitchfork once again ranked Paul Simon’s 1973 hit “Kodachrome” number one on its annual ranking of the songs on the soundtrack to the 1993 science-fiction comedy film “Coneheads,” sources report. “It was close this…
AI-Generated Metallica Song Better Than Anything They’ve Released in Over Three Decades
CUPERTINO, Calif. — An AI-generated Metallica song titled “Am I Revenge Forgiven II?” sounded better…
Yikes! Spin Doctors Reveal Prince Andrew Is One of the Two Princes They’re Singing About
NEW YORK — American rock group Spin Doctors revealed that one of the princes in…
Fans Reminded Not to Feed Dave Grohl
PHILADELPHIA — Foo Fighters’ production staff put in long hours taping up signs warning fans…
Tiny Desk Concert Not Particularly Receptive to Tiny Circle Pit
WASHINGTON — An attempted tiny circle pit during a Tiny Desk Concert in NPR’s headquarters…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…