Doubling Down: Tarantino Just Admitted He Hates Movies and When He Sees an Actor He Wants to Throw Up
Wow. The cinematic world was just rocked once more as Quentin Tarantino doubled down on his previous statements on Paul Dano, Matthew Lillard, and Owen Wilson, admitting that he despises the entire medium of film altogether and that when he…
Banjo Purchase Gives Millennial a Pretty Affordable Mid-Life Crisis
ZION, Ill. — A banjo purchase by 41-year-old Stan Rukowski gave the millennial a decently affordable mid-life crisis, sources report. “This thing ran me about… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Gonorrhea Outbreak Somehow Not the Worst Part of Bret Michaels Concert
CLEARWATER, Fla. — A gonorrhea outbreak during an outdoor Bret Michaels concert at the BayCare Sound was somehow less unpleasant than the show itself, repulsed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Dave Mustaine Retiring from Megadeth to Enjoy Remainder of Megalife with Megafamily
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Citing advancing mega-arthritis preventing him from “giving 100% every night,” Megadeth founder Dave Mustaine has announced he will be megaretiring following the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Help! My MAGA Relatives Are So Red Pilled They Think I like the Democrats
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
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Gonorrhea Outbreak Somehow Not the Worst Part of Bret Michaels Concert
CLEARWATER, Fla. — A gonorrhea outbreak during an outdoor Bret Michaels concert at the BayCare Sound was somehow less unpleasant than the show itself, repulsed sources report. “I don’t know what I was expecting going to a solo Bret Michaels…
Juggalo Returns From Near Death Experience to Confirm Dark Carnival Is Real
HOLLAND, Mich. — A Juggalo who goes by the name Ice-Dawg awoke in the hospital…
Hatebreed Fan Looks to Their Lyrics for Inspiration to Overcome Aggravated Assault Charge
SAN DIEGO — Hatebreed fan Scott Tamowsky found inspiration in the band’s lyrics to overcome…
“Enter Sandman” Voted Best Metallica Song by Random Drunk Dipshits at the Bar
WASHINGTON — A recent poll among the nation’s random drunk dipshits at the bar have…
Keith Richards Cancelled Over Controversial Relationship in 1890s
WESTON, Conn. — Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is reportedly cancelled after fans discovered his…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…