Israel Sends 1000 American Paratroopers to Iran
JERUSALEM — In what many are viewing as an aggressive escalation to the conflict in Iran, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced he will deploy 1000 American Paratroopers to help secure the region. “We hope this de…
JD Vance Greeted With Boos During Annual Visit to Wife’s Bedroom
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance was greeted with boos, jeers, and obscenities upon making a rare visit to the bedroom of Second Lady Usha… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Man’s Veneers Way More Disturbing Than His Old Teeth
ICE Agent Unsure How to Conduct Pat-Down Without Leaving Bruises
ATLANTA — ICE agents deployed by President Trump to assist with airport security amid the partial government shutdown are reportedly unsure how to pat down… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Fox News Reports the Strait of Hormuz Is Blocked by Trans Swimmers
NEW YORK — American multinational conservative news channel Fox News has reported that the Strait of Hormuz, the oil trading artery linking the Persian Gulf… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Tesla Hides Drive Mode Behind Subscription Paywall
Band Announces They’ve Parted Ways With Guy Who Wrote the Music, Named the Band
GLEN BURNIE, Md. — Popular alt-funk band Transit announced they were parting ways with lead guitarist Wayne Lee, who was primarily known for writing all… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
CDC Announces Final Eradication of Bieber Fever
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced the final eradication of the Bieber Fever outbreak, confirmed sources. “It’s been almost 16 years since this outbreak and if you think it wasn’t an active effort, you’d be sorely…
Bruce Springsteen Hires Guitarist To Play Anytime He Starts Telling a Story
PRINCETON, N.J. — Shore-rock legend Bruce Springsteen confirmed rumors Thursday that he’s keeping guitarist Ray…
38-Year-Old Punk Excited To Check Out This Band ‘Perimenopause’ That’s Been All Over Her Algorithm
LOS ANGELES — Local 38-year-old punk Nicole Crane is very excited to check out the…
Stupid Piece of Shit Band Only Able To Muster One Global Chart-Topping Hit
TAMPA, Fla. — Local piece of shit band The Fallen Embers were unabashedly ashamed after…
Hardcore Band Preemptively Starts GoFundMe To Get Ahead of Inevitable Van Accident
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local hardcore outfit Prayer Grave started a preemptive GoFundMe to pay for…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…