Total Backfire: The Recently Unclassified UFO Files Link Donald Trump to Another Massive Pedophile Ring, but In Space
Yikes, looks like Donald Trump just can’t catch a break! In the wake of pedophile allegations, the economy tanking, pedophile allegations, the fumbling of the war in Iran he started, pedophile allegations, speculation about his mental and p…
Tom Hanks Reveals His Character in ‘Saving Private Ryan’ Was Also a 13-Year-Old Who Had Wished To Be Big
LOS ANGELES — Actor Tom Hanks revealed that his character Captain John Miller in 1998 epic war film “Saving Private Ryan” was actually a 13-year-old… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Man Referring to Everyone as ‘Cunt’ After Two Week Australian Vacation
Fuck It: Here Are Five Other Con Men From Queens We Can Also Elect to the Presidency
Jesus, how fucking stupid is this country for having elected the most obvious con man in America to the presidency not once, but twice? What,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Epstein Suicide Note Oddly Resembles Courtney Love’s Handwriting
SEATTLE — A Federal judge recently released the alleged suicide note of Jeffrey Epstein, prompting a handwriting analyst from Seattle, Washington, to make the shocking… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
L’Oreal to Only Test Makeup on the Ugly Rabbits That Need It
Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union
TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious union busting techniques and beatings… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Hardcore Show Doorman Enforcing Strict 14 Tattoo Minimum
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Entry to a hardcore show at a popular venue came to a standstill after the doorman announced he would be refusing entry to anyone who did not have on them a minimum of 14 tattoos, angry…
Bullshit Romantic Comedy Drama Doesn’t Even Have ‘Solsbury Hill’ on the Soundtrack
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Bullshit romantic comedy drama “Crazy on You” didn’t even have English…
Bruce Springsteen Clarifies He Meant ‘Little Girl’ in the Misogynistic Way, Not the Pedophile Way
COLTS NECK, N.J. — Music legend Bruce Springsteen released a statement to clarify that his…
Second Lemmy Added to Mount Rushmore of Bassists
LOS ANGELES — In a controversial but, according to organizers, “inevitable” decision, the International Bassist…
Visionary Photographer Tells Band to Look as Bored as Possible
LOS ANGELES — A visionary photographer told the band Murder Muffin to look as bored…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…