SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past 17 days is still clean,…
I think it’s time for me to come clean. Yes, I did cry the entire when I got my new tattoo, but it wasn’t because…
EUGENE, Ore. — Perpetually inconsiderate roommate Michael Chabot was thrilled yesterday to discover a giant pile of garbage in his shared kitchen, knowing he finally…
The word “boomer” contains decades–nay, millennia–of pain, hatred, and abuse. Millennials toss it around flippantly, making it the punchline of hurtful, problematic jokes. In an…
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Your good friend Tony Suarez will make his radio debut tonight with his punk band The Republicants during your prime sleeping…
BOISE, Idaho — Ambitious music school graduate Fritz Stokowski took to the streets with flyers yesterday, advertising auditions for a new, drama-free symphony orchestra, bemused…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Civil engineer Daniel Barley obtained sole custody of ex-girlfriend Alicia Kressen’s parents yesterday during the dissolution of their relationship, completing a landmark…
Quick, need some mommy advice ASAP. About once a week, usually after getting my eight-month-old son to sleep, there’s a bright crackle of lightning in…
NYACK, N.Y. — Local BMX rider Duncan Turley allegedly spent months preserving his cleanest Hatebreed shirt, all to officiate the wedding of Ashley Genoa and…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk and diehard Interrobanged! fan Heather McGowan didn’t clap when the band played her “favorite song of all time,” thanks to…
In the age of identity politics, we as a society have completely forgotten that it’s okay to disagree! Fake news and tribalism have divided us…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Newly engaged and unnecessarily honest groom-to-be Blake Sorrentino announced at a dinner gathering last Friday that he is set to wed his…
SEATTLE — Two adult punk males repeatedly collided their heads together yesterday attempting to display dominance to impress a nearby female, sources amazed by the…
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Severed Reason bassist Corbin Gallo was taken off life support yesterday when doctors realized that the notifications tracking his various vitals were…
In this day and age, it seems fewer couples are meeting organically, opting instead for dating apps and algorithmic websites to find a partner. Whatever…