Cheryl Hines Worries RFK Jr. Not the Collection of Neuroses, Dangerous Conspiratorial Thoughts She Married
WASHINGTON — Comedian and actor Cheryl Hines nervously worried that her husband, Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr., was not the same collection of neuroses and dangerous conspiratorial thoughts he was when the two…
Ew, Really? Apparently the Band From “Guitar Hero: Aerosmith” Actually Exists
Alright, get ready to have your mind blown. You remember those Guitar Hero games from about twenty years ago? It seems like you couldn’t enter… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Absolutely Humiliating: This Death Metal Musician Just Got Raptured
Tim Curry Was the Greatest Actor I’ve Ever Worked With, and His Role in Rocky Horror Helped Me Realize I Was Pansexual – Guest Post by Gonzo
Hello out there, folks, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood, uh, whatever the hell I am, Gonzo. It’s been one heck of a week, hasn’t it,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Mick Jagger Assures Concerned Fans He’s Still Super Horny at 83
LONDON — The Rolling Stones’ venerable frontman insisted he’s as horny as ever during a press stop for their new album, according to nauseated reporters…. <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
‘Abbey Road’ Biographer Reveals Paul Made Everyone Use the Crosswalk
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
GWAR Accused of Using AI Cum in New Video
RICHMOND, Va. — Intergalactic degenerates GWAR have come under fire recently for allegedly using generative AI to create the semen for their new video “Cock Destroyer,” confirmed sources. “GWAR definitely used AI for the cum in ‘Cock Destroyer,’” said digital…
Tipper Gore Admits She Only Started the PMRC Because She Was Denied a Backstage Pass at a Judas Priest Show
MONTECITO, Calif. — Former second lady of the United States Tipper Gore admitted that she…
Study Confirms Driving 30 Miles Over the Speed Limit While Smoking Marlboros and Listening to Motörhead Fucking Rules
GLASGOW, Mont. — An independent study by townie Clint McClusky revealed nothing in life fucks…
Metallica Releases ‘The Unforgiven V’ After Losing Count
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal band Metallica released the new single “The Unforgiven V” after…
Office Punk’s PowerPoint Only Has Three Slides
CHICAGO — Local office punk Darrell Willis recently presented Business Think Lab, his place of…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…