Help! My Housecleaner Is the Little Old Lady From “Poltergeist”, and She’s Half-Assing Every Chore
Though my rent is so high that I can’t afford toothpaste, I recently hired the little old lady from “Poltergeist” to clean once a week. I’ve never seen the movie (I know, I know; it’s on my list!), but I had high expectations of Tangina bas…
Jam Band Fan Swears They Like Good Music Too
DENVER — Local jam band connoisseur Trent Gordon recently found himself in the position of defending his musical tastes, confirmed sources. “Listen, I can’t help… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
‘90s Grunge Singers Added to Endangered Species List
49ers Owner Suspended From Doing Whatever It Is Owners Do
SANTA CLARA, California — In response to a recent prostitution-related arrest, the NFL has suspended San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York for the next six… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
We Separated the Art From the Artist and Steven Tyler Still Sucks
Can you separate the art from the artist? When a creator whose work you love reveals a trait of character you cannot abide, is it… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Rob Schneider Files for Relevancy
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Punk Venue Accused of Selling Out After Putting Door on Toilet Stall
FITCHBURG, Mass. — Long-standing rock club Vito’s is being lambasted by its clientele after installing doors on its restroom stalls, according to pissed off sources. “It’s a disgrace,” said Keith Skum of local band The Skumz. “I walked in to…
David Lee Roth Band Fires David Lee Roth
PASADENA, Calif. — The David Lee Roth Band announced the immediate dismissal of lead singer…
Supreme Court Signals Openness To Gutting Beastie Boys’ Right To Party
WASHINGTON — Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito suggested that the Court is open to gutting…
Pedal Board Most Organized Part of Guitarist's Life
TERRE HAUTE, Ind. – Vance Stevenson, guitarist for local rock band Gorilla Cheese, spends countless…
Line of Juggalo Suitors Forms in the Hopes of Courting Young Juggalette
DETROIT — A line of juggalo suitors formed outside the bedroom window of 19-year-old juggalette…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…