So the long nights of partying, getting wasted, and 2 am Taco Bell have taken a toll on your aging, squishy body. You figured it’s…
INDIANAPOLIS — Local couple Darren Ganon and Sally Bouchard-Sanchez announced they will continue pursuing their toxic relationship in order to maintain a steady diet of…
Cats. They think they’re so fucking above it all, with their fur and their tails and their crepuscular-ass lifestyle. But you know what? They’re not.…
GREENFIELD, Mass. — Local venue ‘owner’ Preston Landers is reportedly ‘stoked’ to show off his new space, especially the bespoke ‘stage’ he fashioned himself out…
PITTSBURGH — Self-proclaimed “scene kid” and 38-year-old woman Kaitlyn Holden adorned her body with two nautical star tattoos twenty years too late, according to sources…
CHICAGO — Local venue The Brain Factory has abruptly changed the design of its entry stamp, much to the dismay of artistic punk Mel Kravtsova,…
As a nod to traditional western values, local misogynist John Buswell told his new girlfriend to get her fat ass in the kitchen and make…
BOSTON — Local woman Ava Rivera experienced what she believed to be a breakthrough last week after suffering her first panic attack about something realistically…
Look, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it: I enjoy having more money. Wow, it feels good…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Technically stunning guitarist Peter Lakely tested a $6k Gibson Les Paul for hours at Guitar Gallery before ultimately only buying one…
DENVER — Local Real Estate Agent and mother of four, Sharon Smithson, struggled to find the proper emotions at the unveiling of her youngest son’s…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local twenty-something Jeremy Harris was overheard repeating the common trope that he was ‘born in the wrong decade’ without realizing he would…
I was minding my business and enjoying a candy bar when the craziest thing happened! A crowd surrounded me because I found some dumb coupon…