So the long nights of partying, getting wasted, and 2 am Taco Bell have taken a toll on your aging, squishy body. You figured it’s…
INDIANAPOLIS — Local couple Darren Ganon and Sally Bouchard-Sanchez announced they will continue pursuing their toxic relationship in order to maintain a steady diet of…
Cats. They think they’re so fucking above it all, with their fur and their tails and their crepuscular-ass lifestyle. But you know what? They’re not.…
GREENFIELD, Mass. — Local venue ‘owner’ Preston Landers is reportedly ‘stoked’ to show off his new space, especially the bespoke ‘stage’ he fashioned himself out…
PITTSBURGH — Self-proclaimed “scene kid” and 38-year-old woman Kaitlyn Holden adorned her body with two nautical star tattoos twenty years too late, according to sources…
CHICAGO — Local venue The Brain Factory has abruptly changed the design of its entry stamp, much to the dismay of artistic punk Mel Kravtsova,…
You need quality assurance from your HVAC repairman. That’s why it’s imperative that you, the consumer, know for a fact that your HVAC guy is…
CHICAGO 一 Local woman and record collector Sara Yousefi feels extremely relieved and happy that a random man has decided to gatekeep nu-metal, groaning sources…
As a nod to traditional western values, local misogynist John Buswell told his new girlfriend to get her fat ass in the kitchen and make…
BOSTON — Local woman Ava Rivera experienced what she believed to be a breakthrough last week after suffering her first panic attack about something realistically…
Look, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it: I enjoy having more money. Wow, it feels good…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Technically stunning guitarist Peter Lakely tested a $6k Gibson Les Paul for hours at Guitar Gallery before ultimately only buying one…
DENVER — Local Real Estate Agent and mother of four, Sharon Smithson, struggled to find the proper emotions at the unveiling of her youngest son’s…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local twenty-something Jeremy Harris was overheard repeating the common trope that he was ‘born in the wrong decade’ without realizing he would…
I was minding my business and enjoying a candy bar when the craziest thing happened! A crowd surrounded me because I found some dumb coupon…