Karoline Leavitt Says She’ll Still Defend Pedophiles on Pro Bono Basis After Exiting White House
WASHINGTON — Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt is leaving her position as one of the nation’s top pedophile defenders but will continue to protect abusers in a less formal capacity, sources confirm. “I got into this line of work because I…
Zuckerberg Insists SOS Would Have Reached More Yachts if Endangered Boat Boosted It for $10
ALASKA — Mark Zuckerberg doubled down on claims that his yacht did not hear the distress call of a nearby skiff that had run out… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
The Next Dave Grohl? This Guy Was in a Band and Now He’s in Another One
Adorable Dog Mayor of Small Town Approves Data Center
BARKLEY, Ore. — Residents gathered Tuesday evening outside Town Hall to protest Mayor Waffles, a five-year-old dog, after he approved a controversial 2.3 million-square-foot data… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Jared Leto Clarifies He’s Studying for His Next Role Where He Plays a Pedophile Named Jared Leto
A new documentary is alleging that actor-musician Jared Leto has engaged in a disturbing pattern of grooming and sexually assaulting teenage girls for over two… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Progressive Free-Spirited College Town Not Fucking Around When It Comes To Parking Enforcement
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Taking Back Sunday To Play Special ‘2003 AIM Away Message’ Setlist at Riot Fest
AMITYVILLE, N.Y. — Rock band Taking Back Sunday announced their plans to play a special setlist at this year’s Riot Fest featuring songs whose lyrics were heavily featured in people’s 2003 AIM away messages, sources report. “We’re aware that our…
Descendents Appeal To Aging Fanbase With New Song ‘Milo Goes to Bed Before 10’
LOS ANGELES — Descendents fans lucky enough to attend the band’s recent show at the…
Concert ASL Interpreter Does Jerk-Off Motion During Kid Rock’s Entire Set
HASTINGS, Mich. — Concert ASL interpreter Alyssa Morgan became an instant celebrity after wowing the…
Two-Armed Drummer in Def Leppard Tribute Band Clearly Hasn’t Committed to the Bit
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Craig Towney, the two-armed drummer for Def Leppard tribute band Sugarpourers, clearly…
Unbaptized Man Bursts Into Flames Upon Entering Creed Concert
ORANGE BEACH, Ala. — Creed fan Jerry Torrance suddenly burst into flames and died upon…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…