Total Backfire: The Recently Unclassified UFO Files Link Donald Trump to Another Massive Pedophile Ring, but In Space
Yikes, looks like Donald Trump just can’t catch a break! In the wake of pedophile allegations, the economy tanking, pedophile allegations, the fumbling of the war in Iran he started, pedophile allegations, speculation about his mental and p…
Tom Hanks Reveals His Character in ‘Saving Private Ryan’ Was Also a 13-Year-Old Who Had Wished To Be Big
LOS ANGELES — Actor Tom Hanks revealed that his character Captain John Miller in 1998 epic war film “Saving Private Ryan” was actually a 13-year-old… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Man Referring to Everyone as ‘Cunt’ After Two Week Australian Vacation
Fuck It: Here Are Five Other Con Men From Queens We Can Also Elect to the Presidency
Jesus, how fucking stupid is this country for having elected the most obvious con man in America to the presidency not once, but twice? What,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Epstein Suicide Note Oddly Resembles Courtney Love’s Handwriting
SEATTLE — A Federal judge recently released the alleged suicide note of Jeffrey Epstein, prompting a handwriting analyst from Seattle, Washington, to make the shocking… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
L’Oreal to Only Test Makeup on the Ugly Rabbits That Need It
Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union
TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious union busting techniques and beatings… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Punk House Enters 28th Consecutive Month of ‘No Mow May’
HOUSTON — Residents of a local punk house have unconsciously participated in “No Mow May” for the past two years, doing their part to support bees and pollinators by doing nothing, pleasantly surprised neighbors confirmed. “Most of our neighbors are…
Nation’s Beefcakes Demand All ‘Appetite for Destruction’ Shirts Be Sold With Sleeves Pre-Cut
LOS ANGELES — The nation’s buff hunks have demanded all “Appetite for Destruction” shirts be…
Prescribed Antidepressants Thwarted by Mitski
LOS ANGELES — Local Eagle Rock resident Edna Rags has been questioning the efficacy of…
Aging Punk Worried He's Getting Too Old to Sell Out
LOS ANGELES — Paul Wallace, a 43-year-old punk from Boyle Heights, recently came to the…
Show-Off at Concert Waving Lit Torch
DENVER — A number of attendees at a recent performance complained about one show-off in…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…