SAYVILLE, N.Y. — Local man Dave Greggory added a pack of condoms to his handbasket to distract from the fact that he was about to…
As a child, you see so many depictions of police officers on television. Some of them show cops as the heroes fighting crime and saving…
CORAM, N.Y. — Local eight-year-old Evie Doyleson was completely turned off by the idea of having to celebrate 311 Day twice due to her recently…
ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Local millennial and general fiend for nostalgia Andy Bellener recently rigged up a tiny curtain that goes around his personal computer to…
Call me old-fashioned, but I remember a time when being a gatekeeper meant something. Back in my day gatekeepers were the guards, the bouncers. As…
EL SEGUNDO, Calif. — Local drummer Austin Block admitted to feeling intense jealousy, abandonment, and heartbreak when his bandmates in Genghis Pawn executed multiple jumps…
Ever since Marvel’s story-writing algorithm figured out there’s nothing a movie-going audience finds funnier than someone looking at them and saying “Hey, this is all…
Are you struggling to connect with modern dating? It’s been said that many people feel frustrated with the apps, and are looking for ways to…
Another terrible week has passed you by, and you’ve understandably been looking for a pick me up. You’ve been digging through your record collection, but…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local piercer Archer Steele is reportedly accepting total inferiority compared to his tattoo artist older sibling after being spit on by a…
When my wife Sophia and I first announced our engagement, we were surprised when it was met with a muted response from friends and family.…
LOS ANGELES — Longtime Slayer guitarist Kerry King is reportedly scouring tabs on UltimateGuitar.com in a sudden attempt to relearn some of his most famous…
If you’re reading this, it’s too late. Wingstop forgot to put ranch in the bag. The only part of your meal that mattered. Obviously the…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local man Albert Rickhold recently realized nothing in his life can bring him any semblance of joy unless he sees it being…
Doctors these days! I’ve been having migraines now for six months and I finally went to see a doctor about them after a particularly bad…