New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with a new feature that shows how much of their money went to fund AI warfare …
Multi-Hyphenate? My Therapist Said I’m Obsessive-Anxious-Avoidant
My name is Sebastian, and I’m a multihyphenate. I’ve actually had many multihyphenate titles ever since I learned what multihyphenate means. Like writer-actor-mom’s basement dweller…. <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Memorial Bench Fucked On
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — A stroll in the park took a salacious turn today after one passerby witnessed a couple fucking on a memorial bench, sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Kristi Noem Shocked to Find Holocaust Memorial Museum Not Celebratory
WASHINGTON — DHS Secretary Kristi Noem was left shocked and confused after her visit to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum upon discovering the exhibits were… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Several ICE Agents Horribly Disemboweled During Attempt to Deport GWAR Back to Scumdoggia
RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent raid on the Slave Pit, home of the extraterrestrial rock… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Stay in the Know
Music
Girl on Cover of Lagwagon’s “Let’s Talk About Feelings” Becomes Prom Queen After Taking off Glasses and Letting Down Hair
GOLETA, Calif. — Margaret Nerdstrom, the girl featured on the album cover of skate punk band Lagwagon’s 1998 album “Let’s Talk About Feelings,” became prom queen shortly after letting her hair down and taking off her glasses, sources report. “I…
Goth Wandering Around During Daytime Must Have Rabies
SAN DIEGO — Bystanders were reportedly concerned after a wayward goth wandering around during the…
Band Just One Hit Away From One-Hit Wonder Status
BORING, Ore. — Local band Lifetime Original Bitch is just one chart-topping song away from…
Justin Vernon Hoping Next Bon Iver Album Successful Enough for Him to Finally Move Out of Shack in the Middle of Woods
STUBBS, Wisc. — Acclaimed singer-songwriter Justin Vernon hoped his next Bon Iver album would prove…
Slipknot Loses Three Members Due to Iowa Gerrymandering
DES MOINES, Iowa — Legendary Iowa metal band Slipknot confirmed Monday that it is being…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…