We Sat Down With the Ghostwriter of Trump’s Touching Eulogy To Rob Reiner
When you enter the world of politics, you are no longer just a person; you’re a brand. Everything you say publicly has to match that brand, that singular energy that defines your public perception. That’s why even leaders as loquacious as D…
Legendary Noise Band Reunites With Original Laptop
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Seminal noise outfit GÜNT has reunited with its original laptop and founding member, sources close to the virus-riddled 2003 Compaq Presario confirmed. … <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Why Huffing That Open Container of Paint Thinner I Found in My Parents’ Garage Wasn’t Breaking Edge
Look, I know what you’re thinking. “This guy’s whole identity is centered around being straight-edge, and he just threw it all away because he came… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Puscifer Fan Shocked to Learn Vocalist Has Side Band
MINNEAPOLIS — Noted Puscifer fan and parolee Peter Schwartz recently learned the vocalist of his favorite act has a side band, sources reported. “I love… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Guy About to Cum Won’t Shut Up About it
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
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Music
Bandmates Makes Pact If They're Still Alive at 27 They'll Kill Each Other
TACOMA, Wash. — Members of punk band The Shitbutts renewed their commitment to joining the 27 Club with a pact to kill each other if they're still alive at 27, sources confirmed. "At the rate we're going, I'm 99% sure…
Diddy to be Allowed Conjugal Freak-Offs
FORT DIX, N.J. — The Fort Dix Federal Correctional Institute announced that it has granted…
Bad Religion Saves Money by Having Greg Graffin's TA Drive the Tour Bus Again
LOS ANGELES — Legendary punk band Bad Religion decided to cut costs for an upcoming…
Legendary Noise Band Reunites With Original Laptop
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Seminal noise outfit GÜNT has reunited with its original laptop and founding…
Gonorrhea Outbreak Somehow Not the Worst Part of Bret Michaels Concert
CLEARWATER, Fla. — A gonorrhea outbreak during an outdoor Bret Michaels concert at the BayCare…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…