Opinion: If Trump is “Evil,” Then Why is He All About Making Deals, a Trait Classically Associated With Jesus Christ?
Is there anything the left loves more than attempting to smear and vilify the leader of our great nation? It seems like everywhere I go on the internet to pick fights, it’s “Trump is a pedophile” this and “Trump is a Nazi” that. If that was…
ICE Agent Wakes Up in Cold Sweat From Recurring Nightmare Where Migrant Worker Puts in Hard Days Work, Minds Own Business, and Does Best To Take Care of Family
RALEIGH, N.C. — Federal Immigration Officer Ronny Pimmental once again woke up in terror after experiencing a recurring nightmare of migrant workers providing for their… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Punk ASMR Creator Holds Microphone Up to Bandage Slowly Peeling Off Skin
MINNEAPOLIS — Paige Gerbert, known as online creator ASMR Pope Hammer, posted a viral video on her YouTube account titled “ASMR | Sound of Bandage… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Several ICE Agents Horribly Disemboweled During Attempt to Deport GWAR Back to Scumdoggia
RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent raid on the Slave Pit, home of the extraterrestrial rock… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
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Music
Bassist Continues Pretending to Know What ‘Playing in the Pocket’ Means
MACON, Ga. — Lionel Quinn, bassist for local band Busted Hump, has no plans to reveal his ignorance of the term to his bandmates for fear of being ridiculed, sources confirm. “I’ve heard the phrase a bunch of times, but…
Girl on Cover of Lagwagon’s “Let’s Talk About Feelings” Becomes Prom Queen After Taking off Glasses and Letting Down Hair
GOLETA, Calif. — Margaret Nerdstrom, the girl featured on the album cover of skate punk…
Goth Wandering Around During Daytime Must Have Rabies
SAN DIEGO — Bystanders were reportedly concerned after a wayward goth wandering around during the…
Band Just One Hit Away From One-Hit Wonder Status
BORING, Ore. — Local band Lifetime Original Bitch is just one chart-topping song away from…
Justin Vernon Hoping Next Bon Iver Album Successful Enough for Him to Finally Move Out of Shack in the Middle of Woods
STUBBS, Wisc. — Acclaimed singer-songwriter Justin Vernon hoped his next Bon Iver album would prove…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…