HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Rebellious bartender Shae Ruggeri insisted on playing Semisonic’s signature song “Closing Time” exclusively at the start of her opening shifts, confirmed sources…
CHICAGO — Teenager Liam Mason is desperately holding out hope that Riot Fest’s mystery lineup will include a reunion of his bitterly divorced parents, sympathetic…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local man Nate Weiss is reportedly struggling to make his relationship work after girlfriend Julia Shepard moved into a new building with…
Love makes us do crazy things — run through airports, hold up boomboxes, and sometimes even willingly hang out on Long Island. This time, love…
LODI, N.J. — Misfits lead singer Glenn Danzig is reportedly amending the band’s ongoing request for skulls to include leg bones, if absolutely necessary, confirmed…
VATICAN CITY — Teenage tourists, Ronny Brewster, 17, and his best friend James “Cobra” Mooreston, 16, inadvertently elected a new Pope after getting caught vaping…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump issued a mandate that all federal employees must cease obtaining vaccinations and instead schedule weekly Botox injections, confirmed sources. “We…
It was unmistakably Eric Andre ordering a Chablis on the rocks next to me at the bar. I’m a pretty big comedy fan (name a…
RICHMOND, Va. — Metal band GWAR’s newest lead vocalist was announced via a giant white steam cloud of creamy ejaculate spouting out of the roof…
VATICAN CITY – The Holy See Press Office announced that Pope Francis chose the calming embrace of death rather than experience any additional time spent…
HOUSTON — A local 39-year-old Rockets fan’s entire financial future is dependent on hitting a promotional half-court shot worth $100,000, said nearby sources. “I don’t…
It seems like everybody these days has a cause that they truly believe in. Whether it’s fighting for a person’s right to bodily autonomy or…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Popular musician turned right-wing icon Kid Rock revealed a line from his 1999 hit “Bawitaba” referred to the infamous Riemann mathematical conjecture…
NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…
It’s 4/20, and you’re probably thinking, “Who cares, I already smoke weed every day,” right? Well, what if I told you that even the most…