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Make-A-Wish Kid Given One Last Chance to Fuck Shit Up in Pit

SEWARD, Okla. — Eight-year-old leukemia patient Violet Sanderson’s lifelong dream to “totally annihilate every last motherfucker in the pit” came true last week thanks to the hard work of volunteers at the  Make-A-Wish Foundation of Oklahoma, overjoyed sources confirmed.

“I reminded her that fucking people up in the pit is not appropriate, but a trip to Disney World to see the princesses could be,” said the girl’s mother Margaret Sanderson who was initially weary of the request. “I even thought, maybe she can get behind the wheel of a Mercedes SL65… or buy a custom-tailored ball gown. But she insisted she needed to ‘throw the fuck down.’”

Trey Billingsley, promoter at the Skuzz House venue where Sanderson’s wish became reality, claimed that what happened next “will go down in punk history forever.”

“She started in the corner [of the pit], surveying the scene,” said Billingsley. “She picked out two skinheads and pointed, like a young Babe Ruth, and charged the biggest one and head-butted him in the ribs. He went down like a shot buffalo.”

Showgoer Alice Ortiz remembered Sanderson “flinging her arms wildly” and “basically going apeshit.” “Those dudes were no match for her savage windmills,” Ortiz said.

Curb Stompers, the opening band, even stopped playing for a moment to check in with the crowd.

“It was a nightmare. We needed to make sure she didn’t completely wreck house,” said frontman Carl Benevidez. “At one point, she yelled, ‘What is this, fuckin’ Lollapalooza?! I didn’t come here to hold hands!’ She pulled metalheads into the pit like an alligator swiping its prey.”

Ron Bardley, who runs security at the Skuzz House, admitted he was shocked by Sanderson downing people four times her size.

“I can’t believe the lengths Make-A-Wish goes just to help a sick kid,” he said. “It’s above and beyond — that kid head-walked and got 17 heads deep. She broke every rule we have, but I wasn’t going to tell her to stop.”

The youngest Sanderson, experiencing further complications, is continuing her brave struggle at Mercy Hospital Logan County.

“No flowers,” she said. “Hook up that new Trash Lungs/Boots & Intestines split EP.”

Photo by Matt Gill @matthewphilipgill

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