ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local father Brett Donaldson let everyone at Disneyland know yesterday that “…he’s no fucking pussy” by proudly wearing his Hatebreed shirt on vacation with his wife and daughters, witnesses who kept a safe distance confirmed.
“Sure, I may be wearing Mickey Mouse ears,” said Donaldson, unanimously outvoted in his family’s choice of vacation destination. “But I’m not one of these cornball motherfuckers walking around here. If anyone’s on the fence about me being a little bitch, they just need to check my camo shorts and wallet chain. Then they’ll know what’s up.”
Donaldson was reportedly pleased to be turning heads as he first entered the park’s monorail system.
“There were all these old ladies with their fanny packs and shit,” he said. “They got one look at my shirt and could tell they didn’t want to mess with me. They pretended they weren’t scared by chatting with my wife and daughters about how excited they were to be at Disney… but you can tell, deep down, they knew I wasn’t fucking around.”
“This place is filled with pussies and douchebags,” Donaldson added, “but I think this shirt, with the fake blood splatter and quote about vengeance on the back, lets everyone know that I’m not one of them.”
Ultimately, Donaldson felt he was one of the star attractions yesterday at the busy theme park.
“I can tell people are impressed. People on the roller coasters kept screaming when they saw me,” said Donaldson while applying another layer of sunscreen. “I could tell even those lions on the safari knew I was harsh as fuck.”
When reached for comment, Donaldson’s mother Eve claimed his actions were merely a continuation of his long-standing need to impress his personality onto strangers.
“I remember when he was still my little guy,” she said. “He wouldn’t go in to Target with me unless he could wear his Superman cape. It’s the same thing.”
“Frankly, I was hoping he’d outgrow the band shirts by this point in his life,” she later added. “What must his children think?”
Donaldson was last seen insisting he only pretended to be scared at the Haunted Mansion ride.