PETALUMA, Calif. — Show photographer Zach Pleshette experienced a massive stroke of hard luck when he chose to take a smoke break during the set of a band whose drummer is the fabled Loch Ness Monster, stunned sources confirmed.
“Dude, frankly? I don’t even want to talk about it. To say I’m still stunned and ashamed is a huge understatement. I mean, the show had been so humdrum at that point, I figured I’d just pop out for a few cigarettes… fifteen minutes later I walk back in and everyone’s coming up to me hooting ‘Wow! Bet you’re glad you had your camera for that!’ What horrible luck,” said now former event photographer Pleshette. “I coulda had a million dollar photo in my portfolio. This is just like the time I missed Santa Claus debut his hour of stand up. I fuckin’ quit.”
Members of the Monster’s band Abbreviated Septum have nothing but kind remarks to offer about their drummer.
“Oh, we’ve been playing with Nessie for years now, she’s great. Never seems to stick around for interviews, or publicity of any kind, really, come to think of it. Values her privacy, I guess, which I totally gett. There are some real psychos out there. So, whatever, she wails on those drums and is getting us huge Bandcamp numbers in Scotland,” said Abbreviated Septum singer Linder Rufat. “She’s, like, a thousand times better than that Jersey Devil asshole that used to sit in with us.”
Self-described “cryptomusicologist” Dr. Aileen Artemis noted that band photography has always been a difficult aspect of her chosen field.
“It’s profoundly rare in these circles to ever think to grab your camera, one is usually just too baffled. No one is ever ready to see, say, the Mothman. And they’re even less ready to hear his bedroom pop project live on stage. This means that, typically, tales of these sets can only be passed down by way of campfire ghost story,” said Dr. Artemis. “Or the occasional psychotic etchings on bar napkins that sadly nobody ever takes seriously. I must say, in my professional opinion, Pleshette really blew it on this one.”
At press time, it was revealed an audience member did manage to take a photo, but Nessie was playing a fill so fast that it was a classic blur like always.