LOS ANGELES — Streaming giant Amazon Prime announced today the upcoming release of “I’m The One,” an alternate-history series that ponders how history might change if eccentric frontman David Lee Roth never left the rock band Van Halen to pursue a solo career, studio insiders report.
“In this universe, the Iran-Contra affair never happens because Roth gets the hostages freed in exchange for a private concert for Hezbollah,” explained showrunner Russel Gallant, whose previous credits include being a PA on “Entourage” and being fired from the set of “Supernatural.” “The Berlin Wall still falls, but years earlier due to the vibrations of Roth’s extended falsetto screech during ‘Unchained’ at a concert in East Berlin. Communism collapses early, hair metal continues late into the ‘90s, grunge never happens, Generation X emerges happier and mentally stable, we build hoverboards by 1997.”
Some music fans, however, feel “I’m The One” is punching above its weight.
“Sure, we’d all like to imagine a world where ‘Balance’ never happened but pretending that David Lee Roth sticking around would have magically solved all of America’s problems is peak delusion,” said 52-year-old record store owner Chuck Moreno. “Rock and roll didn’t save America then, and it wouldn’t save it in a timeline where David Lee Roth flaps his butterfly wings and the show ‘Friends’ never exists. Again, I’m not complaining but it’s just too fantastical.”
Historians seem to be cautiously endorsing the show’s premise.
“There’s solid academic debate over whether Van Halen’s split destabilized the cultural optimism of the late ‘80s,” said Dr. Madison Pryce, a pop culture historian at UCLA. “When Roth left, it was a signal to the American subconscious that nothing good lasts. The light of American optimism began to fade and we entered a dark age. Frankly, sign me up for a timeline where MTV still playing music videos somehow stops the dot-com bubble from bursting.”
At press time, Gallant revealed that the second season of the show will take place over 24 hours on September 11, 2001 where Van Halen performs at Madison Square Garden and nothing else of consequence happens.