TACOMA, Wash. — Atmospheric black metal band Galadriel’s Mirror pushed back against critics who claim their only influence is “The Lord of the Rings,” claiming…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Preston Gage, guitarist for the legendary drone metal band Annulvoid, is kicking himself after playing the wrong note for an entire show,…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Doctors across the country warned new and prospective parents that excessive use of white noise machines might lead infants to start drone…
SMYRNA, Del. — High school metal band Drunk Blacksmith made an adolescent pact that if when they’re all “as old and unappealing as stale dogshit”…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local drone metal fan Judson Riley was recently seen in his neighborhood gas station murmuring, “What band is this?” as a Slurpee…
MINNEAPOLIS — A local man’s CD-RW containing Papa Roach’s album “Infest” pleaded for its dear life for him to give it a second chance, sources…
DUBAI — Members of the Saudi royal family were are in full damage control today after it was revealed Metallica’s first-ever show in the country…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — The Grammy Awards’ nomination committee preemptively slated Metallica, Slipknot, and Ghost as nominees for Best Metal Performance in 2025, 2026, and…
Lamb of God is a groove metal band from Richmond, Virginia. The classic line-up—vocalist Randy Blythe, guitarists Mark Morton and Willie Adler, bassist John Campbell,…
DAYTON, Ohio — Managers at a local Guitar Center decided not to offer a sales position to Brandon McDougal after he miserably failed the “Black…
If there’s one state you can count on to give you prime quality every time, it’s Florida. From their world renowned tourist attractions to their…
WEBSTER, N.Y. — Leading music experts unanimously agreed that arguments between fans over which metal bands are considered to be part of which subgenres is…
DURHAM, NC — Researchers at Duke University recently discovered that playing Tool for your newborn will cause them to grow up thinking they’re smarter, deeper,…
We Came as Romans’ co-frontman Kyle Pavone had a sweet timbre that was unheard in the late-aughts metalcore scene prior, and sadly died in 2018,…
BERGEN, Norway — Norwegian black metal band Benevolent Mouthfuck held a viking funeral for their bassist Erik “Zerononymous” Hansen even though he was still alive…