BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The California Department of Food and Agriculture approved a program yesterday allowing nü-metal scientists to test potential gene manipulation of indigenous KoЯn,…
CITY OF DIS, Hell — 78 percent of demons across the Netherworld experienced feelings of low self-esteem and body issues when subjected to the unrealistic…
LOS ANGELES — Metallica’s live concert and online merch booth is now the world’s 32nd largest economy by GDP following another year of unprecedented growth,…
Attention longtime Slayer fans! If you’ve shown your dedication to thrash legends Slayer by carving the band’s name into your flesh, you could be entitled…
HELL – Local Angel of Darkness, Satan, gifted metal icons Slayer with an 18-karat gold watch as a thank you for their 37 years of…
PHOENIX — Shock rocker Alice Cooper broke ground today on his new Republican-exclusive, goth-themed golf course, “Welcome to My Putt-mare,” developers close to the project…
LOS ANGELES — Rage Against the Machine vocalist and Planet Fitness member Zack de la Rocha finds his workout motivation by listening to House of…
In a land decimated by civil war, terrorism, and violence, Syrian musicians have persevered through hell on earth. Thanks to the internet we can finally…
CINCINNATI — Local father and metalhead Conrad Dungy has forbidden his children from opening up any mosh pits until Christmas morning, sources close to the…
NEWTON, Mass. — Recently discovered Anal Cunt demo tapes will be released later this year, detailing new subjects former frontman Seth Putnam once considered “gay,”…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — EMT student Lindsay Taugida set a record yesterday during a class test in reaching 220 beats-per-minute while performing CPR, officials at the…
Music sets you free. It’s like an enema for your soul. I know that sounds like lame hippie shit, but it’s true. I felt it…
WASHINGTON — The Insane Clown Posse’s planned march on Washington D.C. to protest the federal classification of “Juggalos” as a gang was boycotted by intersectional Juggalos…
CLEVELAND — Tensions erupted earlier this week when local metal band Six Inch Fetus struggled to determine who would be the one member required to…
Before seeing Primus for the first time last night, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I knew that I would probably get to see…