MINNEAPOLIS — Local ICE Agent Arnie Blacksmith was moved to tears during the “domestic abuse” part of the Disturbed single “Down With the Sickness,” therapy-avoiding sources confirmed.
“It’s the first song on my ‘Fuck Shit Up’ playlist,” Blacksmith explained while removing the battery from his body camera. “When it gets to that part where he’s yelling at his mom. Fuck, man! That rules! When he says ‘you stupid, sadistic, abusive, fucking whore, how would you like to see how it feels, mommy?’ That always gets me choked up. I mean, it’s just a beautiful moment in parenting. Your child is supposed to be scared of you and this song perfectly encapsulates that sentiment. That’s exactly how I parent today. I am forever thankful for Disturbed’s parental guidance.”
Local metalhead Drew Swinkel thinks Blacksmith has his choice of favorite Disturbed song totally backwards.
“That’s some pussy shit,” Swinkel opined. “Now, ‘The Sound of Silence,’ that’s what I’m talking about! That’s some real motherfucking feeling! ‘Cause that’s, like, some mature shit. Even my dad thought it was cool when I played it in the car on the way to the shooting range. I’m definitely gonna start off my funeral with that one. I can’t believe how deep that dude reached to write such a masterpiece!”
Disturbed frontman David Draiman is happy that his music resonates with the self-proclaimed “alpha males” of society.
“When I wrote ‘Down With the Sickness,’ I was letting out all of these animal instincts,” Draiman explained as he was autographing a series of munitions for an upcoming limited-edition Disturbed release. “I swear, my IQ lowered by 30% when that ‘ooh WAH-AH-AH-AH!’ came out. The song has become a meathead anthem over the years, and I couldn’t be happier — I mean, look at me! Whether you’re fucking up Hamas or terrorizing innocent American citizens, it’s the perfect soundtrack.”
At press time, Blacksmith confirmed he’d also be into “Stupify” if it weren’t for the fact that the lyrics are about Draiman’s relationship with a Latina.
