SEEKONK, Mass. — Local man Gregory Bouchard boasts a savant-like skill for identifying songs by ‘90s post-grunge one-hit wonders, according to astounded sources.
“People don’t believe me when I tell them what I can do,” said Bouchard. “So I have them pull up a mid-90s alt-rock single and I can nail it every time. I attribute it to when I worked a warehouse job in the ‘90s. The thick walls prevented most radio signals from penetrating—all except the nearby alternative station. They played the same songs over and over for years. I probably heard ‘Inside Out’ three times per shift. That one’s by Eve 6, by the way. In the early 2000s I got an iPod and could finally listen to the music I truly love: klezmer versions of showtunes.”
Linda Olsen went out with Bouchard and says she can corroborate his unbelievable claim.
“We met on a dating site and sort of hit it off,” said Olsen. “As we were getting to know one another, he casually dropped this bombshell about being able to tell the difference between all those ‘90s bands. I didn’t believe him at first, but sure enough, on our first date he was able to rattle off ‘My Own Worst Enemy’ and ‘If You Could Only See’ as they came on at the Buffalo Wild Wings like it was nothing. When he correctly identified ‘Superman’s Dead’ by Our Lady Peace, I was floored. Ultimately, the relationship didn’t work out because he has literally nothing else going, but I was impressed by that one singularly interesting aspect of his personality.”
Former alternative rock DJ Kurt Gibbs says it’s only natural to mix up the bands of that era.
“In the mid-90s, record labels were signing every marginally edgy guitar-driven band they could in an effort to find the next Nirvana,” said Gibbs. “I would never blame anyone for confusing the alternative radio hits of that time period. You might be surprised to learn that even I have occasional trouble sorting those bands out. Now that my radio days are behind me, I can admit there were times when I would throw on a Lit song, for example, and accidentally announce it as Semisonic. The other DJs would fuck up like that sometimes, too. No one ever called us on it, though.”
At press time, Bouchard had been one-upped by a fellow bar patron who claimed to be able to tell the difference between Hinder, Saliva, and Trapt.