BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Legendary blue-collar rocker John Mellencamp released his autobiography entitled “Hurt So Good: The John Mellencamp Story” in which he dedicated four whole chapters to chili dogs, denim-clad sources report.
“People don’t realize, but ‘Jack’ in ‘Jack and Diane’ is about me, and so is the part about suckin’ on chili dogs. Suckin’ on ‘em is just one of the things I love to do with ‘em,’” Mellencamp explained. “In the past, I’ve been known to huff chili dogs, snort chili dogs, and even boof the bad boys. That part is in chapter 5, the same chapter where I talk about leaving my first true love Lucy on account of her not wanting to incorporate chili dogs in the bedroom. There ain’t nothin’ anyone with a chili dog can’t do, and that includes writing a line in a timeless hit song about ‘em.”
Mellencamp’s editor Eliza Donald had some apprehension about the book containing several chapters on chili con carne-based hot dogs.
“John’s story is an all-American, working class-underdog journey that could inspire so many struggling people these days, but I’m afraid four chapters on chili dogs will most definitely overshadow all of that,” Donald said while visibly frustrated. “I begged him to just put a paragraph or even one chapter, but he insisted on how pivotal they are to his story. I had to draw the line at including an entire epilogue about his highly specific food proclivities. I’ve been an editor for a long time, and this could be the most embarrassing chili dog-related content I’ve ever seen.”
According to some historians, several musicians throughout American popular culture have had suggestive lines in their music that reflect their real lives.
“A lot of popular artists such as Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan pen lines in their songs that highlight some sort of bizarre aspect of their lives,” music historian Richard Stapp explained. “‘A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall’ by Bob Dylan is famously known for being about Dylan’s struggle with urinating with kidney stones. Springsteen’s ‘I’m On Fire’? Everyone knows that’s about the time he set his kitchen ablaze by putting a Ramen Noodle cup in the microwave with no water in it. However, Mellencamp’s ‘chili dog’ obsession is a mystery to me, and I can’t wait to read the book and find out!”
At press time, Ocar Meyer and Mellencamp signed a $2 million dollar deal in order to help with his book publicity.