AUSTIN, Texas — Guitarist Greg Ginn of Black Flag recently treated the rest of the band to a pizza party at Chuck E. Cheese after a successful rehearsal where he introduced the new members to much of the band’s catalog, according to sources who thought they were his kids.
“Those little angels finished their homework by learning the entire Black Flag catalog,” said Ginn while wistfully looking at a picture of them all together. “They also swept the rehearsal space, took out the garbage, and wore their seat belts on the way over. So I rewarded them for their good behavior and took them to Chuck E. Cheese. They worked real hard and learned everything from the simple chords of ‘Nervous Breakdown’ to the simple chords of ‘Annihilate This Week.’ The band was so tuckered out from playing games and eating pizza that they slept the whole way home.”
Black Flag bassist David Rodriguez recalled one peculiar event.
“Free pizza is always good,” reported Rodriguez while trying not to look at a creepy “My War” poster. “But there was this weird thing where Uncle Greg — he makes us call him that — collected all of our prize tickets as we played skee-ball, the basketball game, and so on. He said the tickets belonged to the band, and the rest of us only got a few tickets each. Uncle Greg walked out of there with an awesome Ninja Turtles air hockey table, while we were stuck with plastic army men and rubber cockroaches. Lame.”
Former Black Flag vocalist Henry Rollins says Ginn has changed his tune over the years.
“First of all, that’s total bullshit,” screamed Rollins as he headbutted a cinder block. “We always wanted to eat at Chuck E. Cheese but Greg never let us. He said it wouldn’t be good for our image if fans saw us eating pizza and having a good time. Life on the road was so hard, especially back then, and all we wanted was to take a load off and enjoy a few games while enjoying pepperoni pizza. Is that so much to ask? I’m still really pissed about it. Part of me thinks that if Greg would have just let us blow off some steam once in a while I wouldn’t have ended up as angry as I am.”
At press time, Ginn was seen sitting the rest of Black Flag down to discuss their recent report cards from school.