MINNEAPOLIS — Local ska fan and mother-to-be Claudia Hudson recently visited her OBGYN to reveal she recently felt her baby skanking, confirmed sources who didn’t know whether to be happy or sad for her.
“After running a few errands, I came home, slipped off my checkered vans, and decided to take a rest on the couch. I put on my favorite Spotify playlist, ‘ska iz lyfe.’ I started to drift off to sleep and then it happened!” Hudson said as she motioned to her pregnant belly. “There was a rhythmic kick cadence that can only be achieved when a masterpiece like Mustard Plug’s ‘Mr. Smiley’ unlocks it in you. I knew then my baby was hunched over, fists tightly clenched, and kicking its tiny feet to the beats of the third wave. Listen, I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, I just want my baby to be healthy and listen to Reel Big Fish.”
Dr. Rachel Mercer remembered the day Hudson made an emergency visit to recount the believed skanking.
“I was due to perform a delivery in 20 minutes and Mrs. Hudson came in demanding that I play a Mephiskapheles burned CD. I explained to her that not only did I not have one but no one knows who the hell that even is,” said Dr. Mercer. “She then started to hum a song by the Hippos and pulled my hand to her stomach. It’s probably psychosomatic I told her, but then she asked me who ‘psychoSKAmatic’ was and if they would be playing the ska cruise this summer, and if it was ok to bring a newborn on a ska cruise!”
An expert on in utero behavior Tom Devine had some interesting insight into the situation.
“Absolutely, that baby was skanking. Prenatal exposure to hours of Op Ivy will always lead to this phenomenon,” said Devine. “A few months back I was dealing with a couple who at the time were going through a huge Mastodon kick. I mean listening to the album ‘Blood Mountain’ a few times a day. They thought they felt their baby kick. Wrong! Their child was headbanging to face-melting riffs and punishing drums. It was 1993 and the Macarena’ was taking the country by storm, I believe you know where I am going with this.”
At press time, Rose gave birth to a baby boy and was pleased that he came out with a tiny checkerboard birthmark on his right arm.