LODI, N.J. — Misfits lead singer Glenn Danzig is reportedly amending the band’s ongoing request for skulls to include leg bones, if absolutely necessary, confirmed sources.
“I’ve been screaming ‘I want your skull, I need your skull’ at every Misfits show since the early ‘80s, and to this day, only one fan has ever sent me their braincase,” said Danzig. “And even then, the pig didn’t even have the courtesy to remove the skin and hair before sending it through the mail. That’s why I’ve recently started asking for femurs instead. People are a lot more comfortable giving up a limb than they are donating their whole noggin. As a side note, I get a lot of questions asking whether tibias and fibulas will do. Unfortunately, the answer is no. I want your femurs specifically.”
According to the singer, he already has Misfits fans limping up to the stage at shows and proudly tossing their thigh bones at the band.
“‘Skulls’ is my favorite song about the human head,” confessed Misfits super fan Bud Jacobs. “For years, I’ve thought about giving the band my cranium, but, you know, the whole needing it to live thing keeps getting in the way. It’s just not practical. When I read in the Misfits subreddit that Danzig was taking femurs now, I couldn’t amputate both my legs fast enough! Hell, I’d give them my spine, if needed. That’s what fans are for.”
Misfits bassist Jerry Only agrees with Danzig’s decision to start accepting femurs from fans in lieu of skulls.
“When Glenn told me he wanted to start asking fans for leg bones instead of skulls I was like, ‘Yes, finally!’” said Only. “Skulls look cool and all, but what can you really do with them? I guess you can make them into a bowl or something, but that’s about it. Now a femur on the other hand, that’s like the longest bone in the body. You could use that as a club, a walking stick, maybe even a pool cue if you’re desperate. It’s just a much more versatile bone when you get down to it.”
At press time, the femur donation program was so successful that Danzig let fans know that the band will now be accepting all 206 bones found in the human body.