CINCINNATI — Members of local indie-rock band Dragon Farm are positive their full set of amps will easily fit in a Toyota Yaris, forgoing taking measurements thanks to their unshakeable belief.
“My mom routinely loads [the Yaris] up with multiple bags of groceries, and even her prized, life-size Tom Selleck Real Doll from time to time,” noted singer Barrett “Gandalf” Baker. “Fitting six cabs and three heads in the hatchback shouldn’t be an issue. I mean, we folded down the seats.”
While other members of Dragon Farm may disagree, they haven’t disputed Baker’s assessment directly.
“Personally, I think it could only work if they’d strap the gear to the top of the Yaris, and we’d keep it in place with a single bungee cord I’d hold by hand through the window,” admitted drummer Chris “Gimli” Anderson. “But does anyone listen to the drummer? Fuck, no.”
Realizing her son might damage her car, Baker’s mother, Linda, had a frank talk this morning with Barrett about using her car for their gig.
“I always try to support my son in all of his creative endeavours, but sometimes, he tries my patience,” said Mrs. Baker. “It’s obviously impossible to fit all of that large, heavy equipment into my car. I mean, you can fit maybe two bags of groceries in that hatchback… so I don’t know what they’re thinking. Sure, you could possibly fit a few guitar cases in there, but he’d need a cargo van for all that other stuff. It’s plain as day.”
“I love [Barrett],” she added, “but he’s a goddamn idiot.”
Realizing the Yaris would not hold all of their equipment, the band’s latest plan allegedly involves placing the stacks on six separate skateboards and hauling them in a daisy chain behind the car all the way to the venue.